


Your Eyes Whispered (Have We Met?)

by hoodwinkd



Series: Your Eyes Whispered Universe [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Mating Bond, Patricide, Redemption, Royalty, Slow Romance, The Autumn Court (ACoTaR), but anyways, nothing graphic, so like this really isn't slow burn turns out I'm bad at that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26739349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoodwinkd/pseuds/hoodwinkd
Summary: After Eris becomes High Lord, there's only one thing on his mind, now that his father is dead and he can finally leave his horrible facade behind. A slow burn romance featuring the misunderstood prince of flame and his mate, a powerful teacher who can't seem to step out of her small town life.Heavily inspired by You  Are in Love and Enchanted by Miss Taylor Swift. I don't see enough Eris content, so here's a story about him finding some small peace after killing his own father. No graphic details of sexual assault shown at any point.
Relationships: Eris Vanserra/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Your Eyes Whispered Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103522
Comments: 97
Kudos: 146





	1. I was enchanted to meet you

**Author's Note:**

> In my head, Eris is a huge softie who just wants to be loved and deserves a happy ending!! Join me as I try to give him some happiness and maybe address some of the problematic politics and ideas SJM shoved on us? 
> 
> Everything belongs to SJM. Reviews are appreciated.

It's no small thing, murdering your father in cold blood.

Not that anyone, even Beron, was surprised.

Eris looked at the bloody sword in his hand and then at his father's corpse, lying on the ground at his feet. He closed his eyes as the power of the Autumn Court rushed over him like a tidal wave of fire.

The new High Lord knew that he would have to deal with the consequences of his coup today. But tomorrow, after the dust settled and he dealt with his treacherous brothers, he knew exactly where he needed to be.

The night turned into a swarm of activity as the castle reacted to Beron's death. Advisors fought for a seat at the table, servants spread the rumors like wildfire, his mother gently took him to bathe as it all became too much. Eris slept that night, without terrifying dreams for the first time in centuries

\---  
He woke to the sunlight filtering through the trees. He had to leave now, before anyone could find him and monopolize his time any futher.

Eris winnowed as soon as he was dressed, landing on the outskirts of a village that had seen better days. He had only been here once in his life, ninety-five year prior, decades before Amarantha took over. His father had sent him and one of his younger brothers to several towns in the Autumn Court as part of their duties. This one had been a bustling center of trade and power, known for its capabilities in producing talented Fae children and training them in magic. 

Eris remembered his utter boredom as he watched the parade put on in his honor. His brother Marick had scoffed at the idea of watching children perform small magic tricks, but Beron had insisted they attend to find any who were powerful enough to warrant interest from him. His father always had a nasty habit of stealing children away from their parents to become part of his court.

Eris also remembered the moment his life shifted. As the children moved to the center of town square, beginning their show, his eyes drifted slightly to the left.

And landed on hers. The teacher.

The mating bond snapped, harder and faster than anything.

If she felt it, she gave no indication. Her eyes returned to her students.

Eris swore that this bond, this life-changing connection, would not be ruined like every other good thing in his life. He shoved all the overwhelming feelings and instincts deep into himself, securing his facade into place. The Autumn Court would never know another side to him besides the arrogant, powerful Heir.

But now his father was dead. He was the most powerful Fae in the Court.

Eris wasn't sure how he would find her, or if she even remained in this town. Or, Cauldron damn him, if she was even alive.

This town had suffered. Almost every building showed signs of abandonment or violence and he could sense that the number of Fae in the area had been more than cut in half.

He wandered aimlessly for a bit, unsure. He was terrified to reach inside himself and attempt to tug on the bond, anxious he would find nothing on the other end. Finally, after passing yet another empty house with smashed windows, he pulled himself together and grabbed for the bond.

Gasping as the feeling rose up from within him and overwhelmed his mind, Eris began walking, not entirely in control of his body. He walked by one block, then another, before stopping in front of a one-story building. It stood out as one of the few that looked well-maintained, with all its windows intact and even a flower bed next to the door. 

His mate. Alive. In this house. His hand knocked before his mind processed the enormity of emotions at this moment.

One breath passed. She opened the door.

“Can I help you?” she frowned, wary of strangers. He took in everything about her, from her dark hair, slipping out of a frizzy bun to her comfortable clothing, probably pyjamas.

“My apologies,” he started. “I--you surely don’t remember me.”

She turned her head slightly, brown eyes taking in his face. “Have we met? I prefer straight answers from strange males at my door.” 

“My name is Eris. I promise I wish you no harm.” Her eyes widened.

“My lord, you must forgive me,” she responded, sharpening her tone to hide her surprise. “It’s not often that royalty appears on my doorstep.”

Eris noted her tense muscles and reluctance to let him in. This was not a female who trusted.

“Forgive me for showing up uninvited. I have a...personal matter to discuss with you and I would rather do it in private.” He attempted a reassuring tone. “I know you have no reason to trust me, but please,” he trailed off, unsure what to possibly say to convince her. His horrible reputation probably preceded him.

She looked him in the eye. “Do you know who I am?”

“I only know that you teach children. I was here for a demonstration, decades ago.”

Shockingly, she stepped back and opened the door wider.

“Certainly, you could have blasted through my wards and yet you chose to knock,” she explained, gesturing him in with a wave of her hand. “How bad can this personal matter be?”

Eris walked in and saw a large, empty room with a mirror on one wall. She led the way over to a table next to a small kitchen. They each chose a chair, then looked awkwardly at the other.

“Can I get you something--” 

“No, please, sit down,” he interrupted.

She sat. And pinned those piercing eyes on his.

“What’s your name?” he asked, his soul dying for the answer.

“Rhiannon.” And it was like the entire world shifted, as if he couldn’t imagine any name more beautiful.

“Rhiannon,” he said softly. “I have no good words to say this. When I was visiting, all those years ago, I saw you as the children gave their performance.” He hesitated.

“Lord Eris, I would rather you say it bluntly,” she jumped in. “To be quite honest, I’m extremely worried at the moment.”

“Please, just Eris,” he corrected. “And yes. You’re right. Of course. Well, I felt the mating bond that day. With you.” 

If only his enemies could see him now. Keir would keel over of laughter watching him stumble through a simple conversation.

Rhiannon had gone completely still. She stared at him, as if waiting for the punchline. He shrugged.

“You did say bluntly.”

She stood suddenly, stalking over to the kitchen. For some reason unbeknownst to Eris, she began making a pot of tea. He waited.

As the kettle whined, she waved her hand, directing two mugs out of the cabinet and onto the table. Of course. The teacher of magic children would have to have magic as well.

He said nothing, still, as she brought over the tea. Rhiannon poured herself a cup and then watched him do the same.

She broke the silence as he took his first sip. “You’re being serious.”

“I would never joke about something like this,” Eris remarked.

“Why now? That had to have been, what, a century ago?” she demanded. Her dark skin seemed to glow in the daylight from the window above her head.

He looked down at his cup. “I killed my father yesterday. I didn’t think it safe to acknowledge you before that.”

“You---what?!” she yelped, almost dropping her cup. “I said blunt, not absolutely earth-shattering.”

He choked back a laugh. “My apologies. I’ve had a stressful few weeks. But truly, I worried what my father and brothers might do to a partner of mine and never would wish to put you in any danger. So now, at least, I know that threat is handled.”

She considered this. “I have no idea what I’m feeling right now.”

“I understand. More than you now,” Eris acknowledged. “I don’t have any expectations of you. I only hope that we might spend time together, getting to know one another.”

“Get to know you. The High Lord. As my...mate,” she echoed. “I could, I think I would be fine with that.”

“As whatever you want,” Eris disputed. “As I said, I don’t expect a thing.”

“Then as friends. And privately, at least at first.” Rhiannon looked him over. “You’ll have to come here, during hours I’m not teaching or with others.”

He couldn’t believe she had responded positively. Eris would have agreed to any terms she set. 

“When can we start?”

She smiled at his obvious enthusiasm. "Tomorrow night. And you're bringing dinner."

Eris couldn't control the huge grin at her smile. This female would probably ruin him and his reputation. Not that he minded in the slightest.

"Anything you want."


	2. not where the story ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The visit from Eris brings up emotions and memories in Rhiannon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops I guess this is a two-shot. I have so many headcannons for Eris so I'll probably keep going with this one.
> 
> TW: Mentions of past sexual assault and panic attacks. Nothing graphic or specific, but please do not read if this will harm you. I"ll put XXX before and after any mentions if you need to avoid.
> 
> Reviews and kudos are beyond appreciated :)

So the High Lord of the Autumn Court had shown up at her door. And thrown her life entirely off-course by announcing they were mates.

Rhiannon lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to sort her thoughts and feelings into some sort of organized pattern. Her little two-story house and work studio felt suffocating, too small for all the chaos in her head. Throwing off the covers, she grabbed a pair of boots and a coat, winnowing to the street.

The town of Malefic, once a bustling city, stood quiet that night. Rhia wasn't surprised. After five decades of Amarantha, the population had decreased to only a couple thousand. She was relatively sure she could name almost every single Fae, and none of them were night owls.

She strolled down her street, aiming for a field of wheat at the edge of town. It helped to be in a wide, open space where she could see the entire night sky.

Eris Vanserra, the oldest son of the cruel Beron Vanserra, had shown up at her door. One of the most callous and powerful males in Prythian had knocked on her door and awkwardly asked to come in. And he had been, well, sweet. Kind. Attentive.

He'd explained some of his reputation, claiming that his father only valued power from his sons. He told her so much about his history, his regrets, his shame. And she had actually shared some of her life as well. The pull between them had opened her lips, despite her brain screaming at her to think rationally about all the red flags.

Because, unfortunately, even less powerful and less feared males could do so much damage. A fact Rhia knew all too well.

So many citizens had fled or sought aid from the capitol when Amarantha took over. Many others were killed or thrown into those horrendous camps. But Rhia and several other powerful Fae came together and warded the town. They could only cover a square mile, but it was enough at first. For twenty seven years, they maintained the wards, grew their own food, raised children to fight, and lived in fear, but not terror. They had all appreciated how much worse life could be.

Until a group of males snuck through the wards. To this day, Rhia never found out how they managed to get in.

The town woke the next morning to ransacked supplies and distasteful graffiti. The adults breathed a sigh of relief, for they knew how much worse it could be.

XXX

Sofine Linswell woke to her best friend sobbing on her bathroom floor.

Rhia woke to her best friend picking her up off the bathroom floor and hugging her close.

One of the males, as the group had split up, had stumbled upon a small, two-story house and work studio, probably looking for supplies like his companions. Unfortunately, this male found a sleeping, vulnerable female and did what any terrible, depraved soul would do. 

Rhia hadn't been able to sleep in her own bed for months, and even now still had nights where she couldn't sleep in the small bedroom. 

It had been decades and her life had returned back to almost normal, especially after Feyre Cursebreaker saved the day. She could even have casual sex again, but only with males she knew didn't have more than a drop of magic in them. The fear of being forced to lie still, struggling against invisible bounds, made it difficult for her to trust anyone with more power than she had.

Sofine, her best friend of more than a century, had talked her through many panic attacks over the years before they figured out her aversion to powerful males. Luckily, their little town saw almost no newcomers and Rhia knew her strength could dominated any of their neighbors. Not that she ever needed to, but the thought comforted her.

XXX

But the Cauldron had the most fucked-up sense of humor. 

Eris Vanserra had shown up at her door. A male that had infinite more magic and power than she did.

Worse, he was awkward and kind and vulnerable with her. Her stupid brain couldn't just write him off or send him packing.

He hadn't been close enough to touch her once last night, so Rhia had forgotten about her issues for a few hours. But as soon as she closed her eyes, her mind drifted to what it would be like to lie next to him and all the darkness came rushing back. 

She hadn't told Sofine yet. The night seemed like a dream, like an unbelievable story you tell yourself to fall asleep.

Eris had given her a piece of parchment before he left and told her to write if she wanted him to come over again. He'd been so obviously nervous that she would never write to him that she'd smiled and told him to keep an eye on it. Yet now, under the midnight sky, she was overwhelmed at the idea of taking a step forward.

She sat in the wheat until the sky started turning pink. Another day of teaching, lunch with Sofi, and cleaning her house. 

Winnowing back to her kitchen, Rhia started making a pot of tea. Only caffeine would make this day run smoothly.

Waiting for the boil, she glanced over at the table and saw the piece of parchment glowing. Confused, she went to pick it up.

_I apologize if this is intrusive. You probably think I'm incredibly desperate (because I am incredibly desperate). But I just wanted to say that I will take any part of you that you would give me. If you're willing to put me out of my pathetic misery and give me a chance._

She laughed. The rumors simply could not be true. This male couldn't be the same as the cruel, misogynistic bastard that tortured his brother's lover. She couldn't say how, but she knew that for certain.

So, as the sun spilled over the horizon and another peaceful day started, she wrote back.


	3. passing notes in secrecy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kudos and even a couple bookmarks?? I'm still super new to AO3 and writing, so I am extremely grateful for all of it :)
> 
> Please please review if you liked it or didn't! I appreciate every comment!

Eris couldn't believe it. It simply couldn't be true.

His advisors, his friends (well, all two of them), even his mother had commented on his mood. He was _smiling,_ often unprompted, and making jokes. The palace full of nobles had no idea what to do with a High Lord that made jokes.

And he was getting his ass kicked in training. Gerwin, one of the two friends, looked down at where he lay on the floor.

"It really shouldn't be that easy for me to take down a High Lord," he grumbled. "First there are rumors of you acting like a fool in meetings and now this?"

Eris stood, pretending to brush some dust off his shirt. "No one thinks I'm acting like a _fool._ Just differently than my father." The last word got stuck in his throat on the way out, dampening his mood a bit. All of Prythian knew what he did and yet he still hadn't told the actual story to anyone. It felt like a confession, proof his guilt, an irreversible action that might suddenly inspire his Court to abandon him. Although he knew rationally that was unlikely (he had widespread support that came from not being a violent, evil bastard), Eris still felt like he could lose his throne at any second for any reason.

He faced off with Gerwin again, focusing and actually winning the fight.

Eris raced to his chambers after his training session, at a speed more fit to an energized child than the most powerful male in the Autumn Court. He threw open his bedroom door and scrambled to open the top drawer of his nightstand. There sat a glowing piece of parchment.

_She actually wrote back,_ he marveled. Even though she had been writing back at least once a day for the past week, each message still brought Eris a flash of joy and shock. 

Their first interaction had been tense and awkward. Her body language had clearly indicated she was uncomfortable with him in her home, but she hadn't kicked him out. The conversation was good, great even, but stayed to safe topics like her town''s endeavors and his fumbling advisors. Eris fully believed he had thoroughly fucked up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and would never hear from her again. Except she kept writing.

_I hope you understand this taxation argument, because I surely cannot. Some of us were meant only for brute force and fighting, not percentages and financial sheets._ He had complained about one of his endless meetings yesterday, where the Financial Minister had almost burst a blood vessel when Eris suggested taxing the rich more than the poor. Outrageous.

He grabbed a pen and chewed on it thoughtfully. His responses were finely crafted to keep the conversation flowing easily and show off some of his stellar personality. His mother's voice, kindly accusing him of acting like an adolescent, floated through his mind. It was rather childish to spend this much time thinking about a female and wooing her, something he'd never really worked hard at before.

_I'm glad to know you claim expertise on brute force, since apparently I no longer can. My friend just destroyed me in a training session, in a way that was very embarrassing for me and unbecoming of a High Lord. If I had more friends, I might even accuse him of treason just to avoid my utter defeat again. How are your students?_

\---

Did he have some sort of magic that could figure out her schedule? He must. There was no other explanation for how Eris managed to send her a message right before she had an important commitment. Rhia had shown up to her classes, a town hall meeting, and now dinner with Sofine with blushing cheeks and an unmanageable smile. 

"Ha! There it is! That silly expression you keep getting," Sofine accused, pointing a finger at Rhia's dark red cheeks. "I've been complaining about my leaky sink for two minutes and you sit there staring off into the distance."

"Sorry, sorry, it's just been a long week," Rhia mumbled, turning to grab some bread off the counter so Sofine would stop trying to read her expression. "Classes, students, you know how it gets."

"I surely don't! Students make you groan and complain; this is like....this is more of..." Sofine trailed off, trying to put a finger on what could have her friend so distracted. "Well, honestly, if I didn't know you better, I'd say this was more of a schoolgirl crush." Rhia had no response to that, so she stayed quiet. Sofine gasped, her mind clearly spinning to fill in the gaps,

Maybe staying quiet was going to get her in more trouble. "Sofi, I love you so dearly, but I clearly don't have a 'schoolgirl crush' and I'm not sure how I would've managed to keep that a secret from you." Rhia hoped it would be enough. They were both over a century year old and yet sat here gossiping about _crushes._ Absurd.

Luckily, her friend let it go and the rest of the conversation was blessedly normal. After finishing a bottle of sparkling wine together, the females decided to call it a night. They both had the day off tomorrow and had huge plans to attend the local farmer's market.

Humming to herself, Rhia began to slowly clean the glasses off the table. Her thoughts trailed away from the town and towards the capitol. _Eris._ She hadn't written back to him yet.

Perhaps writing to the High Lord of the Autumn Court who was also your mate after half a bottle of wine wasn't the smartest idea in the world. Rhia hushed that logical voice in her brain and grabbed the paper to reread his response. Silly, how such a little joke about a rough training session caused her to blush _again._

There was no second-guessing, no careful editing, no worry as she wrote back. _The High Lord taken down by a simple training instructor? I would have loved to see it. My students are little terrors as always, though none are powerful enough yet to spar with me. I suppose I'll go through a similar embarrassment when they are._

His response came so quickly. Was he sitting in bed, just waiting for her to write him back? She giggled at the image, then giggled at her giggle because she wasn't the type of Fae to giggle normally. And the word giggle sounded funny.

_My pride is quite grateful you weren't there to see it happen._ A second later, as if an afterthought, another line appeared. _And if you ever actually would like to see me, all you have to do is ask._

Her insides warmed. She blushed, yet again, at the shameless flirting. But at the same time, her brain kicked into overdrive at the idea that this was more than letter writing and idle flirting. The High Lord wanted to see her and she wanted to see him, a terrifying thought that would normally send her running. Luckily, the wine kept her mind open and her words flowing.

_Maybe I only want to see you get ~~kicked beaten~~ knocked around in training._

_Scratch that sentence I don't think I'm making sense. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say._

"Oh shit," Rhia cursed at her confusion. The wine certainly wasn't making anything clearer.

_Let me try again. I'd like to see you in my kitchen again._

_In your kitchen? How specific. I'll be there whenever you tell me. And, please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you would still enjoy watching someone beat me up in a sparring ring. Eloquence fails us all sometimes, it's quite alright._

_Aren't High Lord supposedd to be busy?_ Her handwriting had started looking noticeably sloppy as her eyes began to droop. _I have no plans tomorrow night._

_Excellent. Tomorrow night. And no, we simply appear busy while others do all the work. It's a very simple and fun job._

_I'm going to bed. Otherwise I might make more of a fool of myself._ Rhia doubted that Eris would mind some sloppy handwriting and confusing messages, but she knew worse things might come out if they stayed up late in the night, writing on this stupid piece of paper.

\---

Eris couldn't believe it. He was seeing her again tomorrow, technically today since midnight was long passed. He closed his eyes, feeling something that felt a bit like redemption and forgiveness grow within him.


	4. the lingering question kept me up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work+travel has been kicking my ass lately so I have no idea if I'll be updating regularly or at all, but wow thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments! This chapter is not that good but I wanted to put something else out there so enjoy.
> 
> Also I just finished Enchantment of Ravens in like 6 hours and will be using fanfiction to fill the void until I find my next read. Feel free to drop some suggestions :)

"What was it like?" 

The question sat between them, as tangible and heavy as a bottle of wine. A tense silence fell, after three hours of lighthearted conversation.

Rhia blushed, absolutely mortified that the question had slipped between her lips. "I'm so sorry, that was wildly intrusive of me. Pretend I didn't say anything."

They had been trading stories like playing cards when Eris had mentioned Beron, briefly and without emotion. And yet Rhia could hardly stop herself before blurting out that damned question. She silently berated herself. _What kind of heartless bitch asks about patricide without prompting?_

She watched him grin without humor, his eyes turning blank when they'd been alight before. 

"I suppose that's quite a normal thing to wonder about," Eris replied, in a tone that sent a small shiver down Rhia's spine. "How does a person feel after murdering their father, after premeditating the act for decades."

"No, really, I'm horrible for asking," Rhia pleaded. "You shouldn't answer that, especially not for someone you barely know." Anything to get that cold stare off his face. She took a sip of wine.

Eris seemed to catch himself, rubbing a hand over his face and also reaching for his drink. "I wish I could answer. I still don't know what I feel or how I should feel. If there's anyone I would wish to tell, it would be you."

Rhia let out a small sigh in relief that he wasn't about to storm out of her kitchen. "You don't have to feel a certain way. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to balance family and duty to the rest of the Autumn Court." Afraid of pushing too far, she hesitated a moment before adding: "Every citizen I know is grateful for what you did."

He laughed. "I doubt most Fae believe me to be any better than he was. Not after centuries by his side, doing basically nothing."

"Most Fae don't know what to think," she argued. "You were never overtly cruel or kind. Honestly, I'd thought you quite shy before...this."

"I've been cruel countless times, to countless people," Eris snapped. "Maybe not to Autumn Court citizens, but certainly to other High Lords and their close ones."

Rhia sat straighter, determined to get her point across clearly. "None of us have a clue about what happens between the nobility, especially not across Court borders. Forget their opinions and focus on what _we_ think." He opened his mouth to respond, but she wasn't finished. "I've already heard rumors about your changes in the capital and I think they'll go a very long way towards gaining favor." 

She wasn't just saying that to make him feel better. Eris had restructured the tax system to account for old-money families hoarding obscene amounts of wealth, funneling most of that money to finishing repairs from the war. He'd also banned the practice of arranging marriages for children, mandating that both Fae consent after they'd passed the age of maturity. 

"I shouldn't consider the opinions of other Courts?" he questioned, ignoring her other point. "Even your idol, Feyre Cursebreaker?"

Damn him. She'd made all of _one_ comment about how incredible Feyre Archeron's feat against Amarantha was and Eris had labelled her a fanatic. 

"What does she care about your leadership? Haven't we always allied with the Night Court?" Rhia had had enough of Eris' self-deprecation and obsession with what others thought.

He looked distinctly uncomfortable, moreso than she'd thought the topic warranted. "All of Rhysand's Inner Circle hate me, deservedly so. But you were asking about me murdering my father, apologies for getting off-topic."

Rhia gaped at him. "What could possibly be so uncomfortable to speak of that you'd rather discuss murdering your father?"

Eris looked down at the table. "Something for another time."

The tension was back.

"I keep asking horrible questions," Rhia said softly, attempting to catch his eye again. "You know you never have to answer me, right?"

Eris spun his glass around a few times. "I wish I wasn't afraid to tell you."

"There are things I'm afraid to tell you," Rhia blurted out. Truly, she had almost told him about that dreadful night several times now. Every time she tried to push the words out, her lungs seemed to stop working and her head seemed to start spinning. There was something incredibly terrifying about looking into someone's eyes and giving them the darkest part of herself. Even if it wasn't her fault, Rhia couldn't stop the rush of shame that overtook her whenever she thought about it.

"I meant it when I said I'd take any part of you, in any way." Eris straightened in his chair, meeting her eyes now that he felt the compulsion to comfort.

The Cauldron was either brilliant or damned for putting the two of them together. Two Fae incapable of holding normal conversations without trauma ruining an otherwise lovely evening.

"I've made things terribly awkward," Rhia scrambled for something to fill the silence. Eris smiled at her lame attempt.

"Truthfully, I thought this conversation would be much worse," he appeased. "No one's in tears or injured, so let's count 'awkward' as a win. Tell me more about your students."

And so the conversation and evening continued to be lovely. 

They met four more times over the next four weeks. Each time, Eris got a bit closer to naming his emotions about becoming High Lord and Rhia got a bit closer to attempting physical contact. Not that the other ever picked up on it.

A particularly hostile thunderstorm and cold autumn wind hit the town that night. Rhia couldn't wait for Eris to arrive, mostly because his ability to heat a room far surpassed hers. She cleaned the studio after her last class, worrying about which families had firewood and whether anyone face the storm unprepared. The door slammed, jerking her back to her body.

"Sorry to startle you," Eris apologized, snapping his fingers to dry out his clothing. He continued to enter through the door after the first night, refusing to break her wards even if he was fully capable of putting them back in place. He frowned, noting the chill in the room, and sent a warm breeze through the house. 

Rhia smiled. She loved watching the flames in the fireplace jump in his presence, like a puppy excited to see its owner.

"How are you?" A loaded question, if he chose to answer truthfully.

"Much better now," Eris replied cheekily, winking at the flush that spread across her face. He never missed a chance to flirt with her and she never missed a chance to blush like a teenager. "I actually slept well last night, but my morning was immediately ruined by one of my brothers' return home."

Rhia didn't know much about the princes, but she doubted they had good intentions. "Which one? Not that I know any of them personally."

"Auster." Eris shrugged off his coat and started heating up the tea kettle. "He is...not the worst brother I have left."

"What a charming description." Rhia finished locking up the supply closet and started to join him in the kitchen, before a frantic knock at the door stopped her in her path. Eris whipped his head around and both of them sent a tendril of power to sense who it was.

"Oh fuck," Rhia swore, turning around to walk towards the door. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck."

"Who is it?" Eris asked, his tone a bit panicked at her reaction.

Rhia shushed him. "Just--I don't know, just sit down and don't say anything." He did as she commanded, but continued sending her concerned looks.

The knocking kept up until Rhia swung open the door.

"Were you going to keep me out here all night?" Sofine demanded, shoving her way into the house. "It's pouring, in case you hadn't noticed."

Rhia tried to grab her best friend's arm before she made it too far into the room. "Sofi, hold on one second--"

But it was a second too late. Sofine had inhaled, recognizing the scent of another person, a _male_ , in the house and froze.

"Who's here?" she asked, in a tone far too tense to be casual. Rhia grimaced. This was certainly not how she planned to make introductions.

"I, uh, you see, well a few weeks ago," she stammered, her brain refusing to produce an actual sentence. Eris chose that moment to speak up.

"Hello! You must be Sofine, I've heard so much about you." He walked towards the two females, his hand outstretched. "I'm Eris."

Rhia had never seen Sofine stop talking, but in this moment she was utterly speechless. She shook his hand, without saying a word, before spinning to face Rhia again.

"You have the High Lord in your kitchen."

"Oh, that reminds me I put the kettle on. Would you like some tea?" Eris asked. 

Sofine shot Rhia one last glare, silently demanding a full explanation as soon as they were alone, before joining him in the kitchen. _Oh shit._ In all her worries and hopes about her burgeoning relationship with Eris, she hadn't even considered how he would fit in her life, or how she would fit in his. If that were even possible.


	5. these are the words I held back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past haunts us all, but we are not weaker for having ghosts at our door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow you guys are lucky, a bitch really went from not updating for two weeks to updating in three days. I was serious about inconsistency. Also, these notes are going to start being a lot longer because I've decided to treat them like my personal journal.
> 
> So I feel like I did a different writing style here, let me know if you #hate it. Also I wrote it in a diff software which changed the formatting oops.
> 
> I am still so surprised that this is getting any attention. I'll keep responding to comments because I love each and every one beyond words!!!! Review, drop me your fav Taylor song, or recommend my next read because I am almost done with the Caravel series.
> 
> TW: mentions of past sexual assault, nothing graphic. I put "XXX" at the start and end of it, please please skip it if that could possibly harm you. And please always let me know if I should include more TWs or anything else. I will never, ever write anything graphic or specific about sexual assault, pinky promise.

Beron’s shot of flames slammed the side of his face before Eris could duck out of the way. Hissing in pain, Eris tried to ignore the feeling that half his face was now on fire. His father kept coming with the attacks, pushing him back until he could feel the stone of the bedroom’s wall on his back. 

“I’m going to kill her next,” Beron taunted, slowing his attacks now that he saw his son fully cornered. “She’s given me nothing but useless heirs, disgusting upstarts who think they can overpower me.” 

Eris tried to look around the room, but there were no other options. No final play, no additional power to grasp from. Why had he thought he could overpower his father?

He grasped at his wrist to find it empty. Where was the damn bracelet?

Eris stood alone and alone he would fail.

Beron continued to taunt him, sending flames to match each word. “I could always take another wife. Someone more beautiful. I’m utterly bored with your mother’s face.” The tyrant stepped even closer so Eris could see the utter hatred in his eyes. “Maybe even that pretty little mate of yours. What was her name again? Oh right.” Beron cackled as he prepared his final blow to murder his son. “Rhia.”

Eris woke up gasping for air, his father snarl still ringing in his ear. He ran a hand over his face.  _ He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead.  _ The refrain calmed his breathing and slowed his heart rate, like it did every morning after nightmares haunted him every night. Neither tonics nor working himself to the bone had helped bring Eris a restful night of sleep.

Hearing his mate’s name in his father’s voice had been a particularly effective type of torture. Eris had done everything he could to avoid even thinking about her while his father was still alive, especially after that horrible incident with Lucien’s first love. Jessminda had done nothing except bring one of Beron’s sons happiness, and yet she paid the ultimate price.

_ He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. _

The rest of the day continued in a similarly joyful manner. One of Eris’ advisors, an ancient male named Julius, had attempted to undermine the latest efforts to modernize the royal court by poisoning the newest Minister of Finance for daring to be a female. Leanna had recovered quickly, given Julius’ ineptitude at everything except for being a misogynist, but Eris still had to handle his punishment. He then missed lunchtime because one of his spies had to give him an update on Auster’s movements, which still did not reveal the prince’s intentions or goals. Finally, Gerwin absolutely demolished him in the afternoon training session, shoving him into a weapons rack and giving him a lovely bruise on his forehead. The headache that manifested during dinner felt like a fitting way to end the day.

“Are you even listening?” his mother admonished, though her smirk suggested she was anything but annoyed. “I would rather not repeat myself for a third time.”

Eris put down his wine glass, feeling as though alcohol would only make the day worse. “Sorry. Horrid day. What were you saying?”

The Lady of the Autumn Court placed a gentle hand on his arm. “Dare I hope that the cause for your distraction is a happy one?” At his hesitation to respond, she added: “I know the walls have ears and you keep your secrets close. But come to me when you’re ready. I hate seeing you handle so much on your own.”

“I have happy reasons to be distracted, but no, today I’m simply tired,” he replied, turning his palm face up to grab her hand. “I wish I could say more and I hope I’ll be able to soon.”

His mother smiled, appeased for the moment. Eris wanted to tell her more than anything, let her know that he was happy and in love. Shit. He was in love. The thought made him cringe, because surely no undamaged person fell in love so quickly and easily. Surely only someone deprived of affection and wounded as he would consider 5 nights of conversation enough. No, Eris reasoned, he probably wasn’t in love, but the horridness of the day and the bitter taste of his nightmare had twisted his mind into thinking so.

He couldn’t tell his mother because he would not subject her to his heartbreak if Rhia decided she only ever wanted his friendship or no longer wanted him at all. She already had to watch Lucien, the true joy of her life, suffer without a true home and without love from his mate for so many years. Eris would not add to her burden, even as merely her second-favorite child.

“Go to bed early tonight,” she declared, giving him a look that made him feel like a child again. “I’ll oversee Julius’ imprisonment tonight and send word if anything goes astray.”

Eris nodded and kissed her on the head as he stood to head to his bedroom. If nothing else, murdering his father had been worth it just for his mother to live freely. If she was capable of finding her freedom once again.

Luckily, one tiny thing went right for the High Lord of the Autumn Court that awful day. The glowing piece of parchment in his top dresser drawer might as well have been a star coming down from the night sky, shining bright enough to scare away the dark. Rhia had written to him.

_ I’m glad you didn’t think it was terribly awkward two nights ago. Sofine can be quite abrasive, but I think she may have liked you. She worries about me, you see, even if she can’t argue with the High Lord. I’m very glad you met her though. I have a silly thought for you when you reply. _

Eris couldn’t remember a single thing on his to-do list. The only possible thing he had to do was reply and reply quickly.

_ Let her know she is allowed to argue with me any time. I’ll probably regret saying that. My day was absolutely horrible and your silly thought is the only thing that might bring me joy again. Please share before I perish from curiosity. _

She took a few minutes, either caught up in cleaning her house or making him wait on purpose. Masochistically, he hoped it was the latter and she enjoyed playing games with him.

_ If you mock me for this, I will, well I don’t know what I’ll do but it won’t be pleasant. _

_ After you both left, I thought about how I might never have had the courage to introduce you or include you in my life. But then, I thought about how relieving it was that Sofine knew about you. Because that makes it real. I can’t back out now and I don’t want to. _

No one was watching, so Eris could deny that a few tears pricked the corners of his eyes when he read that. Yes, Rhia was often withdrawn and overly cautious with him, but she was still moving forward. The two of them were still progressing into something, something more beautiful than anything Eris had ever experienced before.

_ That’s not silly. That’s a wonderful thought that I enjoyed immensely. Can I share a silly thought with you now? _

_ Please. If only to make me feel less alone in my mortification. _

_ You’re so easily mortified. Have you considered that I’m much more desperate and embarrassing than you are? Here’s my thought:  _

He hesitated, wanting to write so many things. He could write three dangerous words, but knew it was much too soon. He could ask her for permission to tell his mother, but knew that might bring more danger and scrutiny than could be prevented. He could even tell her about the worst mistake of his life and pray to the Mother that she wouldn’t see him like Mor did. Instead, he added:

_ I think once a week is ridiculous. I think about you too often to only hear your voice once a week. How would you feel about twice a week? If we’re feeling reckless, three times? _

Infatuated, but not damaging enough to push her away.

_ I’m amazed this Court continues to run if you truly are thinking of me so often. If it will help the High Lord function, two-three times a week is acceptable to me. (more than acceptable). When should we start this crazy, reckless plan? _

_ Not to upgrade the recklessness to outright foolhardiness, but tomorrow night? Unless your social calendar is full. _

_ You know I have one friend, don’t be rude. I’ll see you tomorrow night. Bring food and wine. _

She always did love trying the foregin cuisines he brought from the capital, offerings that weren’t available in more rural areas. Eris enjoyed nothing more than watching her try a new food cautiously before digging into it enthusiastically. Rhia’s face had seemed unreadable when he first met her, but he had begun to understand her expressions the way some scholars learned new languages. Food certainly helped soften their relationship, as indicated by the way her eyes narrowed when she saw something interesting and her lips quirked upward when she discovered a new favorite flavor.

Eris frowned as a realization swept over him. He was thinking about her lips, yes, but not at all in a sexual manner. This fact alone was not troubling; Eris only felt sexual attraction rarely and towards Fae he had some sort of prior connection with. However, Rhia was his mate and he thought he could be in love with her; desire surely should follow. Yet it felt as though some boundary stood between them and intimacy, as though sex was not even on the table at this moment. Too exhausted to unpack that strange feeling, Eris decided not to question the best thing in his life. Sexual desire would come or it wouldn’t.

\----

Rhia had another bad night. One step forward, two steps back, her thoughts ran like an angry river towards an endless sea. She could feel the Mother laughing at her predicament.

XXX

As Rhia started trusting and liking Eris more, she thought about them as a couple. Every time she thought about them as a couple, a cold wave of terror rushed over her at the thought of being intimate with him. Eris could overwhelm her without a second thought, his power ten times her own. Even with Rhia’s strongest gusts of wind or quickest winnows, she would not escape him.

_ He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that.  _ Her constant refrain did nothing to quell the anxiety that followed any time she thought about sex. The logical side of her brain screamed and yelled that he had not even touched her yet, had observed every boundary she set, had made no move to pressure her forward. Unfortunately, logic did not win out against trauma.

Rhia gripped her bathroom sink, staring at herself in the mirror like she always did when her thoughts grew too loud. Looking into her own eyes and seeing that she’d survived that night, survived her fucking rapist, slowed her heart rate back to normal.

Cauldron, this stupid problem only existed because she wanted him. Rhia had wanted him the moment she laid eyes on him. She thought about kissing him every time he stepped through her doorway. But males never stopped at kissing and Eris might walk away if he understood how truly fucked up she was.

_ You’re not the first female to ever get attacked. Pull yourself together.  _ Rhia screamed at herself until her inner voice was hoarse.  _ Do you know how much worse others have it? Can you even imagine what his own mother went through for centuries? _

A voice that sounded eerily like Sofine’s challenged her back.  _ Just because others have it worse does not lessen your burden or your worth. _

Rhia breathed in, then out. In, then out. She would hopefully be able to fall asleep soon, this panic attack lasting less time than last week’s.

XXX

Exhaustion finally came, crashing over her as she finally felt her body relax. Rhia gave herself one last, long look in the mirror before coming to a decision. 

She would not let herself ruin this relationship before it even had a chance to start. If it took jumping off a cliff and telling Eris about the worst night of her life, that was a small sacrifice to pay for potentially finding happiness. Smiling at that unusually optimistic perspective, Rhia washed her face and grabbed her silk bonnet, hoping that tonight’s dreams would carry her towards that mysterious, happy future.


	6. shifting eyes and vacany, vanished

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: HAND HOLDING!! EXTREMELY TENDER!!  
> I am not a bitch who can do slow burn. I be like "6 chapters til they held hands??? horrible. too slow." idk how y'all write these 100k word fics and they haven't KISSED YET?? (S/o Embers and Light by duskandstarlight, my current addiction on here). Am I touch starved during this pandemic? Does it show? oop
> 
> I literally cannot make up my mind on Elriel vs Elucian, so I haven't really brought up Lucien in this. Really, I ship Azriel x Therapy and Lucien x Someone Being Proud of Him, but I am trying to bring Lucien into this!! Stay tuned.
> 
> As always, kudos and comments bring me unspeakable joy! I am not a writer, so any feedback is appreciated, but I am also a simple girl looking for validation, so praise is appreciated. I also have plot points in my head, but not a strong storyline, so if there's any scenes you really want to see I could try to make it work?? Let me know, heathens.
> 
> TW: mentions of past sexual assault. same thing as last time, absolutely nothing graphic, will put an XXX before and after.

Eris had just grabbed his cloak, preparing to winnow to Malefic, when he heard a sharp knock at his door. He grimaced, imagining some sort of bureaucratic nonsense that could have undoubtedly been saved for tomorrow morning.

Instead he found Gerwin, nervously pacing the hall outside of the High Lord’s bedchambers. The weapons master rarely brought Eris news directly, and wouldn’t disturb him at night unless it was absolutely urgent.

“Come in.” Eris stepped back into the sitting area, tossing his cloak on the back of the nearest chair. “How long do you think this will take?” He’d rather send a quick note to Rhia then leave her waiting for hours.

Gerwin remained standing. “Not long, but I suspect you’ll want to take action after you hear this. One of your spies was found dead last night. We suspect Auster figured her out.”

“Who?” Eris mentally ran through the five Fae he had employed to look into his brother, shocked and hurt at the prospect of losing any of them.

“Mellie,” Gerwin responded, naming the air wraith who could walk as silently as the wind. Eris could only imagine how his brother had caught her and what detestable things he had done before killing her. “Jyn found her body an hour ago and we’ve covered the area up so none of the other staff will find out. How would you like to proceed?”

_ I’ll be a bit late tonight. Would you rather reschedule? _

_ No, I want to talk to you and I’m afraid I’ll lose my nerve. Come when you can. _

That message from Rhia certainly didn’t calm Eris’ anxiety.

The two males debated and strategized over the next hour, going back and forth on how to manage the prince. Since he surely left no evidence behind, Eris couldn’t arrest or prosecute his brother without possibly inflaming any support Auster had. They didn’t want to send any more of the spy cohort after him, since he’d proved tragically capable at sniffing them out. Unfortunately, the best move at the moment was to wait for Auster to make another move or present his purpose. Eris strengthened the wards around the palace, including extra alarms for anyone entering or leaving Auster’s chambers. It was an infuriatingly small response to Mellie’s death.

Eris had one person he considered asking for help, but she wasn’t in the Autumn Court and he didn’t like the idea of his familial problems becoming gossip across Prythian.  _ Another thing I should probably discuss with Rhia _ , he mused, as he finally gathered his cloak and set off for her house.

Eris winnowed and raised his fist to knock, but Rhia flung the door open before he had a chance.

“Hi.” She sounded almost out of breath, but looked stunning as always. Her dark curls were pulled back into a low ponytail, with several strands escaping in the front. Eris could have looked at her face forever, her smile illuminated by the lantern above her door.

He stepped inside after her. “I’m sorry for the delay. Sometimes I actually have to do work as High Lord, contrary to popular opinion.” The joke fell flat, his anger at Mellie’s death darkening his tone.

Rhia placed the tea kettle and two mugs on the table, gesturing for him to sit. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Eris grabbed one and poured some of the tea, smelling cinnamon and honey. “I believe you had something you wanted to talk about first. I’ll tell you after; I don’t want to ruin the evening too quickly with my melancholy”

Rhia laughed. Eris frowned, his remark hadn’t been humorous.

\---

Rhia laughed. She couldn’t help it. Eris had said didn’t want to ruin the evening, as if he imagined she had something funny, endearing, or whimsical to share. He shot her a confused frown, which only made her laugh harder.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she giggled, pouring herself a cup of tea and attempting to find her composure. “This isn’t funny at all.”

“I would never deny you an opportunity to laugh,” he replied, smiling a bit at her oddity. “But would you mind letting me in on the joke?”

She took a deep breath and a sip of tea, forcing herself to calm down. She often laughed when nervous and she hadn’t realized how nervous she truly was until this moment.

“I’m sorry,” Rhia said one more time. “It’s just, you said you didn’t want to ruin the evening with your news, but I’m afraid my topic of conversation is quite unfortunate. Also, I laugh when I’m nervous,” she finished lamely, looking down at her mug instead of his face.

“There’s nothing you could tell me that I wouldn’t want to hear,” Eris encouraged.

She only wished encouragement was enough.

Rhia took another breath. “I don’t quite know where to begin. I guess, well, I’m sure you had some sort of expectations for your future wife.” 

Eris interrupted. “I told you, I don’t have any expectations for you. I just--”

She placed one of her hands on his instinctively. “Please, don’t interrupt me. I  _ know _ you have no expectations for me and I appreciate that so, so much.” She tried to continue, but her tongue seemed to stick to the roof of her mouth. He had gone completely still.

This was the first time they had touched. Their eyes locked.

Rhia couldn’t help herself. She let out another giggle. Eris grinned at the sound of her laughter and at the absurdity of the situation.

“We’re quite useless, aren’t we?” She looked down at her hand on his again. “Two Fae over a century old who can barely hold hands.”

Eris flipped his hand so his palm touched hers. “I’ve told you time and time again the effect you have on me.” His fingers ever so slowly interlocked with hers. “We’re either extremely touch-starved or incredibly pathetic.”

Somehow, the small action of holding hands spurred Rhia to continue. She felt grounded and calm, trusted and trusting.

“I knew you were pathetic, but I had no idea I was also so wretched,” Rhia replied. “This sort of adds to my point.”

She allowed herself one more breath before continuing.

“I’m aware you have no expectations for me, but we both know what a mating bond or a marriage usually entails. I want to tell you this because it affects both of us, our relationship. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have an intimate relationship with you.” 

Eris, to his credit, stayed silent. Rhia didn’t sense any shock or strong emotions coming off of him, so she took that as a sign to keep going.

XXX

“Halfway through Amarantha’s rule, while myself and a few others were warding Malefic off from the outside world, a group of males somehow broke in. Everyone else was left unharmed, except for me. My power was depleted from maintaining the constant security, and one of the males had enough magic to keep me still.”

Her story was definitely not clear or easy to follow. Rhia couldn’t find the energy to make it make sense.

“And, well, that’s that. I’m...well I’m improved. I thought I was back to normal. I usually don’t have a problem with intimacy and I’ve had plenty of sex since then.” She glanced up. “Sorry, is that too much information?”

Eris cleared his throat. “Rhia, if you think that your sex life is at all one of my concerns with this conversation…”

“Right, the trauma is probably more important.” She realized she was still gripping his hand and loosened her fingers a bit. His fingers opened, as if to give her the space to back away. She didn’t take it.

“If I have my full strength and I know the male isn’t powerful, it’s really not a problem.” She looked up at him. “So it’s really fucked up that the only person I can think about now is the most powerful male in the damn Court.”

XXX

His face was still frustratingly unreadable. 

A wave of anxiety hit Rhia. “You can talk now.”

“I love you.” Eris swore under his breath. “Fuck, that’s really not how I wanted it to come out. I know it doesn’t fix anything and I know I can’t fix anything, but I am just so incredibly honored you chose to share this with me. And it doesn’t change a damn thing about wanting to be with you however you want me.”

Rhia breathed in his confession like a drug. Love won’t fix trauma and a romantic partner won’t fix a broken person. But it felt undeniably good to have someone there, someone who wouldn’t look at her differently or see her as less worthy.

“That wasn’t a good response,” Eris continued. “Let me try again. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I am so sorry that happened to you. What can I do to make you more comfortable?”

“Both responses were good, you idiot,” Rhia sniffed once, a little more emotional than she thought she would be. “Stop it or I’m going to cry.”

“If you cry, I might also cry,” Eris warned. “And then I’ll feel guilty for the rest of my life for crying and taking the attention off of you.” He slowly placed his other hand on top of hers and squeezed once. “We definitely do not have to continue this conversation now, but I would appreciate knowing how I can help you feel comfortable and safe.”

She didn’t reply, but gave him a weak smile in response. “Tell me about your thing now. I’m emotionally fried.”

“Are you sure?” When she nodded, Eris added: “I feel a bit silly now, complaining about my brother and his mysterious intentions.”

Rhia let go of his hand briefly, only to stand and walk over to the kitchen. “I’m sure it’s not some trivial matter if you were late tonight.” She grabbed a bottle of dark brown liquor from a cabinet above the sink. “And please, anything to change the subject.” She poured a splash of liquid into each of their teacups, causing Eris to grin.

“Nothing like alcohol to dull the ache of familial drama. I actually found out one of my spies died tonight, surely at Auster’s hand.” His expression quickly morphed from amused to solemn. “Mellie. She was absolutely brilliant and I wasted her life on pure suspicion. I should’ve investigated him myself from the beginning, instead of risking my employees for a personal cause.” Eris finished this thought with a few large sips.

Rhia also took a drink. “Is it truly a personal matter? If your brother is willing to kill someone, it sounds like he’s actually a risk to your entire court. And I’m very sorry to hear about Mellie.”

“Thank you,” he replied automatically. “That’s...I hadn’t thought of it that way, but you’re right, murder wouldn’t be the typical response to finding a spy. I just wish I knew what he hoped to accomplish.”

“Tell me more about him and I’ll take a guess,” Rhia offered. “It’ll be poorly thought out, but another perspective can’t hurt.”

So Eris began to describe his younger brother. Auster had been a quiet child growing up, never as violent or hostile as the other Vanserra siblings. Youngest only to Lucien, Auster hadn’t even bullied his younger brother to the extent the middle brothers did. However, once they had all reached maturity and especially after the Jessminda incident, Eris suspected that Auster’s quiet demeanor had more to do with remaining unnoticed than introverted tendencies. After two of the brothers died and one escaped Beron at Tamlin’s hand, Eris had investigated the remaining three brothers to maintain his role as Heir. Morian and Dedus were idiots, all brute force and horrible manners. While those characteristics endeared them to Beron, the former High Lord kept the twins far away from the capital and wouldn’t risk giving them actual power. Auster, on the other hand, seemed to have half the staff on his payroll according to financial analyses.

Eris had his own casual spies in the palace and began a more formal cohort, led by Gerwin, at this point in time. Auster never seemed to take action, but Eris suspected he had a role in revealing secrets of multiple political rivals. Beron had also put him in charge of punishing any traitors accused of treason, allowing Auster to demonstrate his cruel tendencies.

Months before Eris had taken the throne, Auster had simply disappeared. Beron had never addressed his missing son and they received no news of his death. Eris had spent those months clearing the palace of anyone with ties to his brother and hired new staff completely loyal to him. Only weeks after Beron’s official funeral, Auster had returned and pledged his support to his older brother. He had spent the time since holed up in his room, without any obvious communication to the outside world.

“Sorry, that was a bit of a rant,” Eris finished. Both Fae had finished several cups of tea-and-liquor during his explanation, and Rhia could feel her cheeks heating up under the alcohol’s influence. But she attempted some logic and reasoning for Eris’ sake.

“He sounds horrible and manipulative. Just the kind of male to come back in the picture only when it suits him,” she theorized. “If he hasn’t spoken to anyone outside the palace, maybe he’s trying to get some of the staff under his control again. Or one of them is sneaking messages out for him.”

Eris nodded, eyes drifting off into the distance as he considered her words. “I’ve been lazy. I’ve put up wards, but that would only detect magic or Fae who don’t belong in the palace. He could have easily snuck out paper messages with one loyal servant.”

Rhia wanted to help out, she really did. But his fingers had been unconsciously playing with her, lightly skimming her wrist and forearm, as if they had a mind of their own while he spoke. Distracting, and devastatingly tender.

She stood suddenly, concerned about where her thoughts might take her. Eris’ gaze snapped back to her face.

“It’s late,” she offered as a clearly fake excuse for her behavior. “I feel terrible, keeping you up when you’ll have to deal with all this in the morning.” Not to mention, she had a group of children coming in for a class in less than six hours.

Eris stood as well, grabbing his cloak. He seemed so hesitant, so unwilling to leave, staring at her face as if to memorize it. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to come back here for awhile.”

Rhia’s heart dropped to the ground. “What?” He saw the panic, noticed her heart rate elevate and immediately corrected.

“Not because of you! Not at all because of tonight. Tonight was everything to me,” he emphasized, holding out a hand between them. “Because of Auster. If I start seriously investigating him, I worry he’ll try to follow me. Or figure out my weaknesses. Rhia, I only introduced myself to you because I thought you’d be safe after I became High Lord. If my brother were to ever try to harm you, I don’t know what I’d do.”

She breathed a bit easier. “How long?”

“I’ll write to you. The paper is safe, enchanted for only our eyes.” Eris shook his head. “Hopefully a couple weeks? I wish it were simple, but Gerwin and I decided to wait for his next move. So it’s difficult to know.”

The idea of not seeing him for a couple weeks hurt. It hurt so much more than Rhia wanted to admit.

So she decided to be brave. She stepped close enough to him that she could feel his breath on her face. She grabbed each of his hands in her own and pulled them up to rest on his chest. For a moment, she swore their hearts beat in synchronization.

“I don’t think anyone would miss him if you had to kill him,” she said, her voice steadier than her thoughts. “Just handle him quickly.”

Eris laughed lightly. “I am very motivated, trust me.” He kissed her knuckles. “Good night.”

Eris gathered his cloak and winnowed back to his palace. As he drifted into an uneasy sleep, he wondered how it would feel to fall asleep somewhere he felt safe, somewhere full of good memories, with someone who cared about him.

Funnily enough, Rhia fell asleep wondering the same thing.


	7. until I see you again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY Y'ALL IM BACK!!!!! So many thoughts, but I'll try to keep it short so you can read :)
> 
> 1\. Happy Holidays to those who celebrate! I hope you get the day off, even if you don't (like me) :)  
> 2\. The main character of my other story (Feysand daughter) appears in this chapter! You don't need to read Wanting Was Enough to understand, but ofc I would recommend it anyways  
> 3\. Sorry about the cliffhanger xoxo
> 
> That's all for now! I'm processing evermore and starting The Bargainer series, if you want a lil life update, My favorite song is champagne problems, which should reallllyyy worry you because it's giving me ideas for Rhia and Eris. 
> 
> As always, reviews and kudos are my lifeblood! So much love to every one of you!

After five days of silence, Rhia was about ready to lose her mind. Eris hadn’t written or called her in any way, and there wasn’t even any new gossip about him from the capitol. Her mind wandered off at inopportune moments, imagining him dead by his brother’s hand or finally deeming her unworthy of him and moving on to someone else.

“RHIA!” 

She jumped, startled at the high-pitched squeal that cut off her most recent vision of Auster chopping off Eris’ head. One of her students, Raquel, stood outside one of the studio windows, banging on the glass.

“Shit,” Rhia swore under her breath, glancing at the clock above the wall of mirrors. Her next lesson was starting _now_ and she hadn’t set up anything.

She jostled over to the door and opened the door to see Raquel standing with two of their peers. This group was one of her favorites, three young Lesser Fae who manipulated nature and lived right at the edge of the forest. Raquel was the certified leader of the group and took that role seriously: they made sure Leyora and Aliar always arrived on time. 

Rhia usually loved all the sass and attitude that came with this trio, but today she was close to strangling the little jerk.

“Come in, come in,” she said instead, herding the children into the room and helping them with their coats. “I must’ve forgotten to unlock the door. How’s everyone doing today?”

“We were having a good day until you left us in the cold for so long,” Raquel grumbled, their cheeks pink from the frosty air. “I screamed your name four times before you noticed me.”

Leyora nodded. “Raquel was very loud. You really should answer your door faster.” She looked extremely serious after the minor inconvenience, in the way only children can.

Rhia finished hanging the coats and walked over to her supply closet. “Well I am very sorry that I ruined your morning. Blow breezes at each other while I set up.”

As they sent blasts of air at each other, the children soon forgot their anger and quickly turned to laughter, describing their breakfasts and every little detail of the walk over. Rhia tried to be engaged and charming, like she usually was, but kept glancing at the empty piece of paper sitting on her counter, yearning for it to glow. 

An hour later, and after several very close calls with fire and her curtains, Rhia stood staring at the paper again. She’d tried, she really had, to give Eris time to deal with his brother and let him write her first. The last thing she wanted was to distract him while he was potentially fighting for his throne. Well, he could always ignore her if he didn’t want to respond, so she might as well write something.

_Just let me know you’re okay._

_\---_

After five days of hunting, Eris was ready to lose his damn mind. He’d returned home to find the palace in complete chaos, with the staff fleeing and his mother missing. Gerwin gave him the quick update as he sprinted to her chambers, sure his brother was to blame.

“Thirty minutes ago, we found half your mother’s guard dead and her rooms empty. Whoever it was left the damn bodies in the _kitchen_ , like a maniac, to scare everyone away and cause all this.” Gerwin gestured to the general panic and disarray. “We’ve already searched for your brother and he’s long gone. I don’t think he came anywhere near here”

Eris ignored him and burst through the door of the bedroom. Indeed, Auster’s scent was completely absent. 

“We found a note and left it untouched for you,” Gerwin explained, pointing at a delicately embossed letter sitting on the coffee table

_An oathbreaker is not fit to be High Lord. Relinquish your title before the week is up._

“Shit,” Eris swore. “This is bad.”

Gerwin glanced at the note again. “What does it mean?”

Eris scrambled for a plan, an idea, anything that would fix this mess. “It means the Court of Nightmares knows I broke the alliance.” He grabbed a piece of stationery off a random dresser, scrawling out a quick note. “Auster found himself an army of bastards, willing to help bring me down.”

_I need your help. Come to the palace immediately._

With a flick of his fingers, Eris sent the message to the only person who might be able and willing to help him.

“The advisers are waiting,” Gerwin said hesitantly. “I know they won’t have anything useful to say, but I believe it best if you appease them tonight.”

“Fine,” Eris growled, in no mood to handle the overly emotional politicians. 

As expected, he could hear the arguments and heated debates from down the hall. Entering the main conference room, Eris shot a wave of power across the room, silencing the chatter.

“My mother is missing. Don’t waste my time.” He glared directly at Moris, one of the ringleaders and most vocal on the council.

To his credit, Moris inclined his head in respect and kept his tone calm. “My Lord, I cannot imagine how stressful tonight is for you. We only wish to help you come up with a strategy.”

“The note is quite concerning,” added another male. “Could you elaborate on the meaning of ‘oathbreaker’?”

Eris let out a breath. “I don’t have time to explain everything to you all. Clearly, my brother had some hand in this, and I believe he had foreign aid.”

“That’s quite a claim,” Moris responded thoughtfully. “Without evidence, however, how can we take action?”

“ _You_ won’t be taking any action.” Eris resisted the urge to snarl. “I don’t remember seeing any of you hunting down fugitives in the past few centuries.” Gerwin snorted behind him. “I’ll track down my brother and bring him back to stand trial.”

The room erupted into discussion. Beron would have never taken on such a task himself, leaving the throne empty and the palace unruled. Eris ignored every one of their complaints,

He couldn’t recruit anyone else from the Autumn Court for this task, or he would risk revealing the secret that threatened his legitimacy as High Lord.

\--

“Well that could have gone better,” Gerwin remarked, following Eris away from the conference room. “At least you didn’t set anyone’s hair on fire.”

“I thought about it.” Eris stalked into his bedchambers, waving the door closed behind his weapons master. 

Gerwin stiffened. “Eris, someone’s in here--”

Eris cut him off. “Hello, Carina.”

The infamous Heir to the Night Court stepped out from the shadows. Dark haired, dressed in all black, and heartbreakingly beautiful, Rhysand’s daughter winked at him.

“Already trouble in paradise?” she smirked.

Gerwin grabbed Eris’ arm. “This is your idea? Bringing in the Night Court again?”

Eris shook him off. “If Keir is involved in any capacity, then her family will need to know about it.” Gerwin opened his mouth to argue, but Eris continued. “Besides, she’s already helped me more than anyone can know.”

He looked at the female who might be his only other friend. They’d grown close after Eris had called in his deal with the Inner Circle, demanding they support him in overthrowing Beron. Carina had convinced them to take it one step further, providing magical bracelets that let two Fae share power, to ensure that Eris could actually defeat his father. She had lied to her parents and mate when she had actually worn the bracelet herself, letting Eris use her strength to kill Beron.

If anyone found out, the advisers could use the information to call for Eris’ resignation. The Court could likely agree with them.

“Can I see the note?” Carina asked. Eris handed it to her. After inspecting it for a moment, she gave it back. “It stinks of Keir’s right-hand male, Toren. I’ll have Azriel look into him.”

Eris sighed in relief. Finally, a small clue into his mother’s location. “Thank you. I already owe you so much--”

She waved his gratitude off. “It’s what friends are for. I do enjoy extravagantly expensive dresses, if you must know. What else can I do?”

“I can’t ask anything else of you,” Eris insisted. “Just--anything you find from the Hewn City.”

“Of course,” Carina smiled. “We’ll find her, I promise. Absolutely do not give up the throne.”

\--

And so Eris had spent the next four days across the Autumn Court, running into dead ends and even a few traps. Gerwin returned to the palace after two days, promising to keep any nobles from attempting a coup. 

Carina had sent a message, letting him know that Keir remained in the Night Court and no one had seen any sign of Auster. Azriel had assigned several Fae to watch everyone in the Court of Nightmares, and had begun sifting through all their communications. _If they are working together, they’ll have to discuss at some point._ Her words did not inspire much confidence.

The High Lord was exhausted. He missed Rhia every second of every day and wished he’d thought to grab their parchment before leaving. The logical side of his brain screamed at him to return home, get some rest, and request help from his spies. The guilt fueling him, however, demanded that he never put someone else in danger again, that he alone murder another family member to keep his Court safe.

Eris shook some leaves from his hair and splashed cold creek water onto his face in a lame attempt to wake himself up. He was outside a small town where Auster’s scent lingered, but found no actual trace of the murderous prick. There were no other trails, no further moves to make.

He closed his eyes for one moment, gathering his composure to winnow back to the palace as a failure. Eris woke up several minutes later to a sword at his throat.

“What in the name of the Mother are you doing?” Lucien demanded. “Falling asleep in the middle of a random forest like a vagabond? Our fucking mother is missing.”

Eris shoved the blade away and got to his feet. “I’m searching for our fuck of a brother, you bastard. And looking for her. Why are you here?” As the question slipped out of his mouth, he suddenly remembered that one of the only Fae Lucien still loved had been stolen in some twisted plot.

The younger Vanserra looked even more exhausted, if that were possible.

“Trying to find you.” Lucien tucked his sword away. “I was hoping you’d have tracked him down by now or have found some new information.”

“Nothing,” Eris groaned, running a hand over his face. “This was all a huge mistake. I shouldn’t have let Auster run me around the Court like a fool.” 

Lucien snorted. “Your savior complex is going to kill you one day. I have news from the Night Court, if you’re awake enough to listen.”

Eris hated accepting help, especially from his youngest brother, but took the hand Lucien offered anyway. They took turns winnowing back to the palace, as Lucien gave him a summary of the last few days.

Keir had thrown a massive temper tantrum when members of the Inner Circle appeared in the Hewn City and demanded to search his palace. After failing to link him directly to uprisings in Illyria several months ago, Carina had done everything in her power to find evidence that Keir was working with Auster.

“She’s bitter,” Lucien noted. “They all are. This is the second time this _year_ that Keir has attempted some sort of terrorism or treason.” 

Eris ran a hand through his hair. “Well, I’m just grateful for their help, even if it has nothing to do with me. Did Carina find anything?” Only one more jump and Eris would be in his chambers again. He almost cried at the thought of a nap in an actual bed and a chance to contact Rhia after days of silence.

“Yes and no,” Lucien continued. “Azriel tracked down the messenger who connected Auster and Keir in the first place, confirming our worst fears, but no sign of Mother.” The male sighed, preparing to winnow them the final few miles home. “I’m concerned that there’s something else going on, some other plan that we aren’t seeing.”

“I agree,” Eris replied. “Auster’s trail was authentic; I knew for certain he had visited the places I tracked him. But I think he set it up weeks ago, before staying in the palace.”

Lucien didn’t answer immediately. He grabbed Eris’ arm and vanished them, landing directly in the High Lord’s chambers.

“Fuck,” Lucien swore, looking around the room. “I can’t believe you sleep in here. Lovely decorating, though.”

Eris couldn’t agree more. He hated living where Beron had abused and fought him. “I wish I had a choice. If I remained in my old rooms, the advisers would’ve pounced on my weakness.”

Gesturing to one of the large couches, Eris continued. “You’re welcome to stay, rest for a bit, if you don’t want to announce your presence to the entire Court.”

Lucien looked taken aback at the offer. “I--That would probably be smart, yes.”

Eris barely heard his agreement. Mumbling something about a bath, he stumbled into his bedroom, stripping off his disgusting jacket and pants. Cauldron, he was an idiot for letting Auster wear him down so thoroughly. 

Eris sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the door of his bathing room, debating whether he shouldn’t skip the bath in favor of falling asleep immediately. Something glowed in the corner of his vision, dragging his gaze to the nightstand. 

“Rhia,” he breathed, snatching up the parchment. He read the message, drinking in her words like a life-saving potion.

_Just let me know you’re okay._

Magicking a pen, Eris scrawled back as quickly as he could.

_I’m so sorry to have worried you. I’d like nothing more than to rush to your side and never leave again. Unfortunately, I do not have any good news. Lucien is with me now, and we’ll resume our search after I’ve rested. I’m back at the palace, so I can promise my safety for the time being._

When she did not respond instantly, Eris put down the pen and took off his undershirt. She would know he was alive and back home, without a reason to worry for at least the next few hours.

With that thought comforting him, he leaned back on the pillows. His eyes fluttered shut a moment before his head hit the soft fabric, meaning Eris did not watch the massive blade appear above him and stab him through the heart.


	8. why they lost their minds and fought the wars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH!!! You don't get why I'm screaming, but once you finish the chapter, feel free to scream with me :)
> 
> We are switching titles from Enchanted lyrics to You Are In Love lyrics. Again, finish the chapter and you'll see why :)
> 
> Y'all, I am feeling so much love for this story. Thank you for all the comments, kudos, and bookmarks, I really appreciate them all and will do my best to be better at responding. I haven't lost my energy for this story yet, but still can't promise a consistent posting schedule.
> 
> Chrome stopped working, so I had to open Microsoft Edge for the first time ever to post this. Pls appreciate me.
> 
> Happy New Year's!! Only a few weeks until ACOSF (screaming)!!

“ _ His eyes fluttered shut a moment before his head hit the soft fabric, meaning Eris did not watch the massive blade appear above him and stab him through the heart.” _

A burst of agony shot through her heart, jolting Rhia awake. She grabbed at her heaving chest, a scream stopping halfway out her throat, as her mind caught up to her instincts. As sudden as it came, the pain vanished.

“What the fuck?” she breathed out, blinking a few times to confirm that she was, indeed, conscious and no longer dreaming. A glance around the room told her that she had fallen asleep on the couch again, too anxious to go to bed, but too exhausted to stay awake. 

The soft glow of the parchment caught her eye. Rhia snatched up the paper, cursing herself for missing Eris’ reply. She read the short message three times before her blood stopped pounding. Thank the Cauldron. He’d arrived back at the palace and had even reconnected with his most-trustworthy brother in the search for their mother. Rhia might have rushed to the palace and demanded entrance if not for that reply.

One worry aside, Rhia’s mind turned back to the phantom pain. She checked her body again, finding nothing unusual or injured. Running a hand through her knotted and frizzy hair, she stood up and walked over to the kitchen. Nothing would fix a mysterious, bad dream like a cup of tea.

\----

Eris let out a weak gasp at the very real, very painful burst of agony that shot through his heart. The golden sword had appeared out of thin air, slicing through his ribcage and landing disturbingly near his most vital organ. 

“Help.” His voice was soft, hoarse. “Lucien--”

Thank the Cauldron for Fae hearing. His brother shoved the door open, metallic eye spinning wildly. “Eris!” Lucien shouted, sprinting to the side of the bed.

“Don’t close your eyes,” Lucien demanded, placing his hands on either side of the blade. “Send a signal, a message, fucking something to the healers. Don’t give up on me now, you horrible prick.”

Eris took in a shaky breath, summoning his magic as best he could. He flexed his fingers and shot out a weak blast of fire that zig-zagged out of the room, hopefully heading towards someone who could help.

He could feel his power fading. “My...I can’t...healing isn’t…” 

Lucien closed his eyes, trying to feel the extent of the damage. “Your healing isn’t kicking in,” he finished, his tone tinged with panic. “The blade is stuck, cursed to prevent you from removing it or stitching yourself back up. FUCK!” His long-hair fell across his face as he pulled and pulled, to no avail.

“Try something else,” Eris hissed. Dark and light spots danced across his vision. Blood loss would kill him faster than any nasty curse if Lucien couldn’t get the damn thing out.

The younger brother swore again. “I don’t know what else I can--.” He took a deep breath and focused both his eyes on the sword. Lucien tightened his fingers around the jeweled handle.

“I can feel it,” he murmured. Eris had no idea what had changed, but wasn’t exactly in a position to ask for clarification. “There’s a spell.” 

If Eris could speak, he would have offered some sarcastic reply for that obvious answer. He managed a half-hearted eye roll instead.

His eyes started to close of their own accord. The sword had struck almost perfectly, killing him faster than anyone would arrive. “Lucien, you can’t let Auster--”

“Shut up. Shut all the way up,” Lucien snarled. Eris’ eyes flew open in surprise, only opening wider when he beheld the sight in front of him.

His brother’s hands had turned molten, shining with light as pure as day. Eris could see cracks forming in the sword’s handle, as jewels began to fall off. Lucien grunted, squeezing his hands even tighter, before letting out a large growl and yanking the sword fully out of Eris’ chest.

There were many ways Eris could have reacted to the anomaly, but his body chose to black out immediately.

\--

The High Lord dreamt of dark brown lips and curly hair. He couldn’t speak, so he kept thinking of a name, over and over again. 

\--

_ Rhia. _

Rhia dropped her tea cup, shattering the pretty little trinket on her hardwood floor. She whipped her head towards the door, expecting to see one devastatingly handsome red-head in her foyer. She swore she heard his voice calling her name, but her house remained empty of him and his scent.

“That’s it,” she declared, waving a hand to fix the cup and marching towards the front room. She grabbed a long, black cloak, placing the hood over her face. Even if she must break into the most heavily guarded building in the whole damn Court, Rhia would find Eris and get some answers on the oddity of the past few hours.

\---

“Welcome back, my Lord.” 

Eris groaned at the sarcastic use of his title, cracking his eyes open just enough to see Gerwin standing over him. His head ached at the tiny movement.

“What happened?” he asked, coughing to clear his dry throat. He didn’t sense Lucien nearby.

The weapons master shifted his weight. “Not sure. By the time I arrived, you were unconscious and beginning to heal. Lucien provided some additional medicinal power to close up the wound enough to transport you to the Hospital Wing.”

Eris let his eyes drift shut again. “Where is he?”

Gerwin coughed. “Well, let me start by clarifying that this was  _ not  _ my idea.” Eris growled lightly. “Fine! Some of the council decided to...restrain him.”

Yet again, his advisors proved to be the most useless and idiotic group of males in this world. “They’re all fired immediately, of course. Remove Lucien from whatever cell they put him in.” 

His friend snickered. “I hope you heal quickly, if only to allow me to witness whatever shit storm comes of this whole ordeal.” He squeezed Eris’ shoulder once on his way out. A nurse quickly took his place, their practiced hands gliding over his chest to sense any lingering bleeding. They also placed a small cup of water in his hands, which Eris drank eagerly. He considered passing out again, but thought Lucien might appreciate his attention until he was no longer in prison.

Unsurprisingly, Eris received a truly unpleasant visitor only minutes after Gerwin left. Moris stalked through the door, black cape fluttering behind him. The male didn’t do himself any favors by dressing like a villain caricature and making melodramatic entrances.

“My Lord,” Moris greeted, planting himself next to the bed. “I heard you were awake. Welcome back to the land of the living.”

Eris smirked. “I never left, though I appreciate the sentiment. Is my brother out of bonds?”

The older male stroked his chin. “About that. We cannot let him free until we are certain he had nothing to do with this atrocious act. After all, Lucien could stand to benefit from your demise.”

_ So could you, you treacherous fuck.  _ Eris held his tongue. “I am ordering you to release him or forfeit your position as an adviser. Any further questions?”

He enjoyed the gaping look on Moris’ face immensely. “My lord I--” 

“And it’s  _ Lord  _ Lucien. Do you forget your place so quickly?” 

Moris looked furious. He was saved from responding as a young guard burst into the wing. Panting, she bowed to Eris.

“My apologies for disrupting your healing, my Lord,” she managed between breaths. “Normally we could handle an intruder, but this one seems...different.”

Eris bit back a groan. He really didn’t have the energy to handle some overeager Fae trying to break into the palace, which happened almost biweekly. “If you’ll excuse us, I’m sure Captain Fern can handle--”

“She’s very powerful,” the guard interrupted. Her face flushed bright red. “I--I didn’t mean to interrupt you, but Captain Fern insisted this was abnormal. She made it to the third floor before anyone could stop her and it took seven of us to finally subdue her.”

Eris was relatively sure he had stopped breathing. He held up a hand to stop the guard from her rambling. Praying to the Mother, the Cauldron, anything, he felt for the unbreakable thread attached to his heart and gave an experimental tug. 

Rhia was in the palace.

“Get out of my sight,” he snarled at Moris. “In fact, never enter it again. I want you and your fucking cronies out of my palace before dawn.” Turning to the guard, he pushed the blankets off his legs. “Take me to her and to my brother  _ now _ .”

“What are you doing?” Moris sputtered. Eris ignored him. “You aren’t fully healed yet, sir!”

The guard, to her credit, didn’t waste a moment to stare at his blood-soaked tunic or ask if he was healthy enough to sprint through the halls. She turned on her heel and led him down several flights of stairs, nodding to her peers protecting the entrance to the dungeons. They opened the doors just as Eris swept through, pushing past two more advisers and four other guards that attempted to stop him. The bond pulled him forward.

“Open the gates,” the High Lord demanded, punctuated by a low growl. “Both of them. Now.”

Gerwin appeared at his shoulder. “Eris, you shouldn’t be up so quickly.”

He brushed off his oldest friend. The iron gates on two adjacent cells swung open. Lucien stepped out of one, giving his brother the dirtiest look he could muster. “Took you long enough,” the younger Vanserra mumbled.

Eris didn’t acknowledge him. A smaller figure had stepped out of the other cell, her face unreadable. 

“Everyone out.” No one hesitated to follow the command. Eris’ tone promised swift violence. Even Gerwin took a step back, before Eris grabbed his wrist to stop him. The underground hall remained silent for several more heartbeats, until the retreating footsteps quieted.

Ever the obnoxious twat, Lucien broke the tension. “I saved your life one time and immediately got thrown in prison. Very classy, brother.” He gestured to Rhia. “Who’s the trespasser?”

“You’re covered in blood,” Rhia stated. Her face remained impassive, but Eris could feel a bit of panic from the bond. “Like, the most blood I’ve ever seen on someone who isn’t dead.”

This was shaping up to be the longest night of Eris’ life, and he’d slept through most of it.

He decided to handle one problem at a time. “Your hands glowed and removed an enchanted blade from my chest. What powers are you hiding from me?”

Lucien rolled his eyes. “I’ve never done that before, obviously.”

“Blade? In your chest?” Rhia questioned.

“Enchanted?” Gerwin added.

Could a person have multiple headaches at the same time? Eris rubbed his forehead. “All of you, we’re going to my chambers and discussing...well, all of this.” His gaze snapped to Gerwin. “Oh, and I officially fired all of the advisers, so you might want to start handling that.”

“Fantastic. Truly wonderful timing.” He shook his head. “I will be demanding an absolutely massive raise this year.” Gerwin turned to leave. “And a full, detailed description of the last few hours.”

Eris’ strength began to fail him. “Lucien, will you do the honors and winnow us upstairs?” He leaned against the cold, stone wall, not bothering to hide his weakness anymore.

Lucien raised an eyebrow. “Winnow my half-healed arse of a brother and a mysterious criminal up to his chambers? Sure, why not?” He grabbed Eris’ shoulder and held out a hand to Rhia. She squinted her eyes in suspicion, but took it anyways.

\---

Rhia tried to keep her breathing even as Lucien vanished them. She detested winnowing with other people, hated how out-of-control her body felt. She opened her eyes to see a lavishly decorated room, covered with gold and red patterns. Several couches and chairs surrounded a large fireplace, nestled between ceiling-to-floor windows with the fanciest curtains she’d ever seen.

“And yet you always insist we meet at my place,” Rhia muttered. She almost jumped when Eris let out a bark of laughter, blushing when she realized the others could hear her comment. She turned her head, watching closely as Lucien helped him onto one of the couches. “What happened?”

All of her worry and panic came rushing back. A fucking enchanted blade. That explained the phantom pain and the discomfort she’d felt as the bond chafed her. It had tried to show her something was wrong, pulling her towards her injured mate. She even had to hold back a possessive growl at Lucien’s less-than-gentle handling of his brother.

“I think I understand it now,” Eris began. “Auster tricked me into leaving the palace long enough to set some sort of trap. Kidnapping our mother, I would guess, was simply a distraction.”

Lucien collapsed onto a maroon chair. “Then where the fuck is she? And why hasn’t he shown his face yet?”

“He’s waiting for an official announcement of my death,” Eris guessed. “Or to feel the mystical High Lord’s power come to him.”

Rhia cleared her throat. “As much as I hate to interrupt, someone needs to tell me how the hell my--the High Lord came to be covered in blood.”

Eris shifted his gaze to her. Her knees almost buckled, adrenaline leaving her body, as she scanned his face for any lingering pain. 

“I’m so sorry,” he apologized, sitting up slightly. “I should’ve started there. When I arrived in my room earlier tonight, a blade appeared and stabbed me through the chest as soon as I lay in bed. Lucien had to undo some sort of spell that made it unremovable and stopped my healing powers.”

Her knees actually did buckle at that. She stumbled backwards, fortunately landing on an armchair. “That-- I felt something a few hours ago.”

“Who are you?” Lucien demanded. “Eris?”

Rhia waited for him to respond, only to realize he was looking at her for permission. She melted a bit, at Eris’ willingness to put her needs first, even during this chaotic time.

“You can tell him,” she said quietly. Lucien looked at her again, his mouth opening slightly.

“She’s my mate.” Eris did not stop looking at her. “We haven’t made anything official yet. This remains a secret.”

Lucien stood suddenly. “Excuse me.” He stalked towards a door to the side, swinging it open to reveal a bathing chamber.

Rhia jumped slightly as he slammed the door shut. “Did I do something?”

“No,” Eris denied sharply. “You’ve done nothing wrong. He’s sensitive about mates.” 

Rhia made a mental note to ask for more details later. “He saved you from the enchantment?” she asked instead of probing.

“It doesn’t make much sense, but yes.” Eris stretched his arms out, working out some kink in his back. “That kind of magic isn’t usually found in the Autumn Court.”

“What do we do now?” Rhia sunk back into her chair.

Eris tilted his head. “We?”

“Don’t even try to send me home,” Rhia warned. “I know we haven’t...made anything official, but I’m here now and I’m staying.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He shot her an infuriating smile. “Once Lucien calms down we’ll have to--”

They both froze in shock. The most beautiful female Rhia had ever seen winnowed in the middle of the room. She had long, blonde hair that curled perfectly, draping down her back, over a body that would entice even the most faithful male.

“You,” she hissed, pointing a sharp, manicured nail at Eris. “Don’t speak. Where is Lucien?”

Eris didn’t flinch at her obvious fury. “I’ll have to speak to answer your question, Morrigan.” The blonde snarled. “He’s in the bathroom.”

Rhia would find the situation humorous, if she wasn’t physically present. One of the most fearsome warriors of all time stood in front of her, threatening a High Lord without hesitation.

Lucien chose that moment to rejoin the conversation. “How did you get past the wards?”

Mor scoffed. “A nice attempt to keep me out. We’re going to Velaris, immediately.” She stalked towards the younger Vanserra.

He took a step back. “You can’t show up and start making demands. What is going on?”

“Elain sent me to find you,” Mor explained. 

Lucien shook his head. “She wouldn’t just send for me.”

Mor sighed. “Something...happened to Carina and Elain saw that you would be the only one who could help her.” She snapped her fingers. “My niece is dying and you’re coming with me now.”

Eris stood up. “What happened to her?”

“I know you have some bizarre friendship with her, but you do not speak to me,” Mor growled. Her eyes widened as she fully took him in. “What happened to you?”

“An enchanted blade appeared and stabbed me, and Lucien saved my life” Eris snapped. “I’m betting the same thing happened to her, did it not?” He looked at his brother. “Go. Quickly.”

Lucien didn’t hesitate any longer. “I’ll be back and we’ll renew our search.” He grabbed Mor’s arm, and the duo vanished again.

Eris stared at the spot where they’d last stood, his chest heaving. Rhia felt for the bond, hoping he hadn’t ripped his wound open.

“Rhia, I am so sorry.” His gaze didn’t meet hers.

“You know infamous war heroes and are friends with Carina Archeron.” She smiled slightly. “I’m a bit shocked, but you don’t have to apologize for any of that.”

He still didn’t look at her. “There’s history there. A history that I haven’t shared with you yet, which makes me a wretched person.”

She shook her head. “You can share anything with me.”

“Not this,” he responded, then winced. “I mean, I will share this with you, because you deserve the full truth, but it will change the way you look at me. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle that.”

Rhia stood up and walked over to him slowly. He tracked every step. “I told you about the darkest part of myself and you didn’t even blink. In fact, I’m pretty sure you told me you loved me.” She let out a soft laugh. “We have too much on our plates tonight. You’ll tell me after we bring your mother home safely, and I won’t look at you any differently.”

“You can’t promise that,” he whispered.

She raised her hand to his face, gently tilting it up until he looked at her. Finally. “I can promise that. Fortunately, my logic and rationality are completely compromised. Because I find myself in love with you, too.”

She didn’t wait for his response. Leaning in, Rhia slid her hand from his chin to his jaw. They shared a breath, a heartbeat, before she closed the distance and kissed him.

He froze for a moment, before placing one of his hands on her cheek and spoke against her lips. “A horrible choice, really,” he muttered, then kissed her fully. 


	9. time moved too fast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I'M BACK!!!! Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter, especially those asking for an update. I have been #goingthroughit, but comments really truly did push me into finishing this chapter. Thank you thank you thank you!!!
> 
> This chapter cleans up a lot of messes, probably too quickly and too nicely. However, this is fanfiction so like....happy and clean endings are expected.
> 
> HUGE TW FOR VIOLENCE AND MENTIONS OF BLOOD! I have put "XXX" before and after, but it's most of the chapter, so please don't read if that's a trigger for you. I will happily give you a brief summary in the comments if you want one. Your safety and health is WAY more important than my writing.
> 
> The rest of this fic will literally just be romance. I'm sick of action. I have a few more conflicts and obstacles planned, but I hate writing fight scenes so y'all will only get emotional angst moving forward. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
> 
> XOXO hoodwinkd

Eris was reasonably sure the enchanted sword had killed him. It must have, since this moment could surely only exist in death. 

His mate. His strong, fearsome, powerful, brilliant mate saying she loved him before kissing him.

If this was death, Eris didn’t really mind.

He moved slowly at first, giving Rhia time and space to move at her own pace. Eris’ hands slowly slid down her arms, coming in to grab her waist when she pressed herself closer to him. He let out a small gasp when she responded in kind, twisting one arm around his neck to grip his hair. Eris died a second time when he felt her lips quirk up into a smile against his.

“Sorry,” Rhia laughed. The sound raised him from the dead. “We have some larger issues at hand to focus on, don’t we?”

Eris pushed a curl out of her face. “Never apologize for doing that. But, yes.” They stepped away from each other slightly, both sighing softly at the loss of contact. “Hopefully, Lucien won’t take much longer in…” He trailed off. Eris cursed himself for forgetting that one of his best friends’ lay bleeding, in the same position he had been in mere hours ago.

“He’ll save her.” Rhia’s tone was firm, matching the hand she placed on his shoulder as she guided him back to the couch. “What horribly impulsive plan are you thinking up?”

“Nothing unnecessary,” Eris countered. “Gerwin already placed the palace under lockdown, shutting down all communication with the rest of the court. So now all we have to do is send out my death announcement.”

Her eyes narrowed. “To draw Auster in?”

Eris spread his arms out wide. “Well, I’m not actually dead am I? Though I wasn’t sure I hadn’t gone to some paradisal afterlife for a moment there,” he teased.

“That’s not funny,” Rhia huffed, crossing her arms. He held out a hand to pull her to the couch, which she refused. “Are you sure no one’s able to leave? Mor seemed to show up rather easily. And if word gets out that you’re alive---”

“Mor is more powerful than anyone in this building,” Eris insisted. “I promise, the announcement of my death will travel fast, too fast for anyone in this palace to deny.” He extended his hand more, quirking one eyebrow. “Come, sit with your poor, injured mate.”

She finally took his hand, failing to restrain a small smile. “Are you using your wound to entice me into coddling you?”

Eris grinned, before yanking her suddenly into his lap. “Is it working?”

He waited eagerly for her reply, continuously monitoring her body for any signs of discomfort or tension. Whatever snark she planned to throw at him was interrupted by Lucien’s return.

XXX (beginning TW: blood)

The tan male said nothing at their mildly compromising position. Eris noted his grim expression and bloodied hands, heart rate rising with worry. “Did you--”

“She’s stable,” Lucien confirmed. “The Inner Circle is acting more insane and territorial than normal, but Carina will recover in a matter of days.” He seemed to notice the blood on his hands for the first time, crinkling his nose in disgust. “I should clean myself up, but I’ll wait if we’re about to murder another family member.”

XXX (ending TW: blood)

Rhia controlled her expression with ease, but Eris could sense a wave of shock and horror through the bond. He hadn’t specifically told her Lucien had helped Tamlin kill two of their brothers on Spring Court lands, deservedly so, and hoped she wasn’t reconsidering their entire relationship at the moment. Eris also hoped this would be the last time him or Lucien had to kill a relative, not only because they were simply running out.

“I’ll send a note out right now.” Eris magicked a piece of parchment and scrawled a message to Gerwin. “Let’s hope the Court doesn’t get too excited over my demise; I would hate to let them down when they hear from me again.”

\----

Lucien thought it disrespectful that Auster made them wait three tedious hours before showing up at the front gates, declaring himself the new High Lord of the Autumn Court. If a male put so much time and effort into overthrowing his brother, then he should at least be timely in seizing the throne.

XXX (beginning TW: blood)

The blood on his hands itched. No wait, that wasn’t right. His hands itched under the layers of blood. Lucien scratched his left hand idly, admitting to himself that his mind might be heading towards some sort of breakdown. It really did feel like the dried blood was moving, tickling his skin.

XXX (ending TW: blood)

Eris hadn’t brought up his newfound power. Neither brother had any sort of explanation for Lucien’s curse breaking abilities and neither brother wanted to uncover any new secrets at this point in time. Feyre’s face flashed in his vision, the memory of her sharing a meaningful look with Rhys when he yanked the sword from their daughter’s chest haunting him. Of course those nosy bastards would have a theory or know something he didn’t.

Maybe he should just go back to the human lands. Even the light scent of fear and apprehension from the mortals around him hurt less than the cold wall of separation he slammed into everywhere in Prythian. His life continued to be a series of lonely places, watching from the outside.

Eris’ snarl drew him out of his melancholy. For Cauldron’s sake, they’d reached the throne room while he drowned in his self-pity. Lucien steeled himself as he followed his brother past the guards, throwing a satisfied smirk at their wide eyes. 

“Move,” Eris demanded. Everyone in the hall slid to the walls, some even kneeling at the sight of their clearly-not-dead ruler. Lucien admirably stopped his eyes from rolling at that.

Rhia and Gerwin had taken a secret passageway to a corridor that overlooked the throne room, only used by the elite guard to monitor from above. Lucien hadn’t expected Eris to allow his mate to come anywhere near the imminent carnage, but his brother had actually suggested she accompany the weapons master. Watching them interact was equally fascinating and agonizing.

The double doors swung open. Lucien wished he could frame the moment Auster saw them enter. His sociopathic brother usually kept an entirely emotionless face, never showing joy or fear or anger, until that moment when surprise took over his features.

Auster controlled himself. “Lying to your people now, are we Eris?”

“Stabbing your High Lord through the chest?” Eris retorted. “This will be the quickest treason trial and execution in history.” He waved a hand towards the elders that had assembled to hear Auster’s claim. “I would offer you all the chance to vote, except I fired you hours ago. Leave my damn palace.”

Lucien felt a small niggling in his brain. Two against one, truly four against one; the odds were not in Auster’s favor. And yet the twisted male didn’t make any attempt to flee or plead for his life.

“Tsk tsk, brother,” Auster clicked his tongue. “Is that any way to address the males that have served this Court centuries longer than you have?”

Did he expect them to fight on his side? Lucien eyed all the non-Vanserras in the room. Six old bastards made the fight seven against four, but none of the advisers would cause any trouble for even him, the lowly banished son. Eris could easily burn them to a crisp himself.

XXX (beginning TW: violence)

“Enough.” Eris drew his sword and sent a wave of flames down his arms. “Remove yourselves or stand against me, I really don’t care.” In a heartbeat, he’d launched himself at Auster, who raised a shield of fire in the last second, barely dodging the attack. Two of the advisers ran for the doors, wisely removing themselves from the violence. The other four backed away slowly, eyeing the brothers analytically as if to see who would gain the advantage.

Lucien’s senses went on high alert. His instincts jumped before his brain could register what had caught his attention, his left hand shooting a burst of flame to incinerate an arrow that shot at his face. 

“Fuck,” he growled, drawing his own sword and launching himself towards Eris. The arrow had come from the secret corridor, which Gerwin and Rhia were allegedly defending. He blocked two more projectiles that aimed for his brother, his movements distracting Eris from making a killing blow. Auster’s allies were here.

Another adviser bolted for the door, which didn’t go over well with the hidden archer, who shot him down quickly before continuing to harass Lucien. 

“Finish him already,” Lucien roared, the heat of his brothers’ battle stinging his back. His metal eye whirred around the room, anticipating arrows before a normal Fae would.

Auster laughed. “Am I to understand you killed our father? Your pathetic attempt today has me questioning if you were truly capable of doing it alone.”

Eris snarled in response. Lucien turned his head in time to see him throw a massive wave of flame at Auster. While the entire royal bloodline could defend themselves against burns for a while, a wall of fire would suck enough oxygen from their lungs to weaken them quickly. 

“He has a protection spell,” Eris panted, keeping his vision locked on Auster’s attempts to escape the inferno. “I need you to break it.”

Lucien slashed another arrow. “I have no idea how to do that!” The temperature in the room swelled.

Eris glared at him. “My mate is running around a palace crawling with assassins and traitors while you whine. BREAK IT!”

One breath in. One breath out. “When I say, stop roasting him and turn your attention to the archer.” Lucien flexed his fingers, allowing the forbidden magic in his soul to run through his veins unchecked, allowing the secret part of himself that he never acknowledged to rise to the surface. “NOW!”

With a grunt, Eris shifted the flames to the hidden window, blocking any more arrows from landing. Lucien didn’t give Auster enough time to inhale before thrusting his hand around his neck and _squeezing_. He ignored the knife that rose up to meet his chest, only focusing on leeching the spell onto his own body.

The world shifted into slow motion. Lucien heard a yell from the brother behind him and a wheeze from the brother in front of him. He felt a breeze flow from his hand, down his arm, across his body, flowing over his heart at the exact moment the knife hit his flesh.

Time sped up. Lucien flexed his finger one more time and Auster fainted, gravity pulling his body to the ground. He heard a crash behind him, turning to see Rhia standing in the broken edges of the formerly hidden window, the archer’s body bleeding out on the marble floor beneath her.

“Sorry I’m late,” she breathed, only looking at Eris. “We ran into a few complications on the way.”

\----

Eris wanted to stare at her forever, standing meters above him like the angel she might be. He gave himself one last second of adoration before forcing himself back to the real world. He spun on his heel and approached his brothers.

“Lucien.” He placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, afraid of whatever trance the male seemed to be in. “You can let him go.”

The tan hand unflexed, one finger at a time, and Auster’s body slumped to the ground fully. Eris didn’t hear a heartbeat.

“Are you injured?” He couldn’t smell any blood but… “I saw the knife hit you.”

“I stole his protection spell,” Lucien explained, stilling staring at the dead body. “Did I--he’s dead.”

XXX (ending TW: violence)

Oh Cauldron. Eris really hadn’t wanted his youngest sibling, his only true sibling, to tarnish his soul any further, had wanted to take that burden himself. 

“Thank you,” was all he could think to say. Lucien finally met his gaze. “Please, stay here as long as you need. Just don’t...don’t feel like you have to run away.”

Lucien nodded. “I’m not leaving until we find Mother.”

Gerwin swept into the room. “I cleared the halls and sent out another notice, revoking your statement of death. Also, a messenger from the Night Court arrived and requested your presence at the border.” He took in the scene before him. “Unfortunately, they want you immediately.”

Eris squeezed Lucien’s shoulder and stepped away. “I’ll go at once.” As he passed Gerwin, he lowered his voice. “Make sure they both get settled for the night.” 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he stood close enough to touch Rhia again. Breathing in her scent like a pain killer, he reached out a hand. After so much violence, he wouldn’t blame her for retreating into her protective shell once more. 

Delightfully, she took his hand and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Hurry back,” she whispered against his tunic.

Eris couldn’t and wouldn’t argue with that. “Will you stay?”

“Hurry back and maybe you’ll catch me before I leave.” She had the audacity to wink at him. He heavily considered ignoring Rhysand’s summoning.

Rhia released him and shoved his arm lightly. “Go be High Lord.”

Eris glanced around the room one last time, quelling his anxiety with the sight of his family alive and well. He blinked and the dense forest appeared.

Feyre and Rhysand watched him appear. His heart almost stopped at the Fae standing next to them.

“Mother,’ he croaked, almost falling to his knees at the sight of her. Two long strides brought them together, into a crashing embrace.

“My baby,” she crooned, pulling back to look at his charred and bloodied clothing. “My poor son. What did you have to do?”

Eris brushed off her concern. “Are you harmed?” He spared a glance for the couple across the border. “What happened?”

“She was being held in the Hewn City.” Feyre stepped forward. “Auster and Keir formed an alliance months ago. Our spymaster is creating a report for your Court with all of the details we uncovered today.” She let out a shaky breath. “Please, tell Lucien, we owe him a life debt for what he did today. If he hadn’t shown up, Carina would have…” Her mate stepped forward as she trailed off.

Eris looked at his mother. “We all owe Lucien more than he deserves after this week. What happened to Keir?” The asshole should have died the moment he sold his daughter into slavery, but there was no time like the present to rectify past mistakes.

“Mor and Azriel had no trouble handling his trial,” Rhysand commented drily, rubbing a hand idly on Feyre’s back. “Treason is a capital offense, after all.”

Eris nodded. “Interestingly enough, Lucien and I agreed. Auster won’t bother your Court ever again.” He shifted his gaze away from his mother, unprepared to face whatever emotion shadowed her face. 

“We’ll be sending a summons for a meeting in the next few weeks.” Rhysand slid his hand fully around Feyre’s waist. “Your attendance is mandatory.”

The arrogant male winnowed his mate away before Eris could respond that of course, he would attend. The dramatic effect of it all almost made him chuckle. Almost.

“Let’s go home, Eris.” His mother placed a warm hand on his cheek. 

Back to his throne. Back to the weight of his crown. But also, back to the only people he loved.


	10. one step, not much (but it said enough)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this my apology for inconsistent posting: almost 2k words and it's basically all fluff!! We'll have some more plot in the next chapters lmao but like....this is just happy. 
> 
> This one is dedicated to abbadinfluence, AbsentMinds, and Sara for their LOVELY comments on my last chapter and to everyone who is back reading after my break!! I appreciate you all so so much <3
> 
> I finished reading Angels of Elysium this week and am in my next reading slump!! Drop any recs you have to get me through the next 2 (!!!!!) weeks until ACOSF. 
> 
> Taylor Swift Thought of the Week: peace is 100% Feysand's song and you can't change my mind. Evidence: "your integrity makes me seem small/you paint dreamscapes on the wall/I talk shit with my friends/it's like I'm wasting your honor" UM YOUR HONOR THAT IS LITERALLY RHYS AFTER THE CABIN. "family that I've chose now that I see your brother as my brother" JURY, YOU WILL SEE THAT THIS *IS* ABOUT FEYRE AND CASSIAN. Thank you that's all.

Eris released his mother as soon as they landed in the foyer. Their arrival turned heads, including Gerwin and the Vanserra’s head of household, Liang. The two Fae walked over to meet them immediately.

Eris stepped out of the way as Liang grabbed his mother’s hands. “What happened? Do you need a healer? By the Cauldron, Eris, what took you so long?”

“Hush.” The Lady of the Autumn Court squeezed her oldest friend’s hand. “Let’s not draw unnecessary attention to ourselves.”

“It’s your damn palace,” Liang muttered. “I’m taking you to the medicine wing.” She turned her sharp gaze to the males. “You have quite the political mess on your hands. Fix it.”

Gerwin blinked at her disrespectful tone, but wisely kept his mouth shut. Eris rolled his eyes and turned to walk to his chambers, waving at his friend to follow. Liang and her husband had served together as Generals in the First War, earning enough victory for the Autumn Court that Beron had offered them both generous rewards. The couple had divorced because Liang only asked for her husband’s demotion after he refused to listen to her and allowed the escape of several important prisoners. Eris could still see his mother’s face lighting up at the female general’s request, could still hear her requesting Beron hire Liang as their overpaid, under-worked head of household.

Gerwin had likely only heard of her battlefield prowess, but everyone in the palace knew to give Liang the utmost respect usually accorded to the royal family. Which she basically was, Eris mused, especially since she had moved into his mother’s chambers following Beron’s death. A topic he had no interest in probing further.

“The Night Court will be sending a summons in the next few weeks,” Eris stated. “Make sure you have some people available to run security checks on whatever location they choose.”

Gerwin nodded. “Will you want me to join you?”

Eris shrugged. “If you want to. I’m wishing for a calm, boring meeting, but imagine that won’t be the case.”

“Nothing delights me more than temperamental High Lords,” Gerwin grinned. “I mean no offense, but do you really want me in your chambers right now?” They’d stopped in front of the door. “I would guess you have...better things to do.”

“Don’t be like that,” Eris groaned. “And no. I’m ordering you to go away and get some rest. You’re on personal leave for the next few days after I’ve so horribly overworked you.”

Gerwin slapped his shoulder, a bit harder than needed. “Yes, yes you have. If you see a massive tab in your name racking up at The Oak, ignore it.” He stalked off, avoiding any denial the High Lord might have with using royal funds to buy drinks for the entire city.

Truly, Eris didn’t care. Gerwin could spend his money far better than he could. He only cared about the fact that he could smell someone in his bedroom, sense a warm presence that heated his blood and settled his heart. He pushed open the door, and Rhia spun around to greet him.

“Is your mother--OOF,” she sputtered, as he grabbed her into a tight embrace. “Hello to you, too.”

Eris pulled back just enough to rest his forehead on hers. “Is this okay?” he murmured softly. Rhia nodded, her nose brushing against his lightly.

“More than. You look happy.” She ran her hands up his chest, fingers dancing until they reached his jaw. “Tell me your mother made it back safely.”

“Yes, she’s unharmed and in good hands.” Eris leaned his head into one of her palms. “How are you? Today was intense.”

\----

Rhia scrunched her nose at his question, drawing a quiet chuckle from his lips. She didn’t want to think about the ordeal, beginning with a fatal stab wound and ending with a murder.

“He wasn’t the first Fae I’ve killed,” she replied after a moment. “I’ll get over it soon enough.”

Eris sighed and pulled away. She almost protested, but he was only moving them towards the couch. “Not what I asked. How are you right now?”

She sat sideways against the velvet back, tucking her legs underneath her, dropping his hand to run it through her tangled hair. Unsurprisingly, her fingers got stuck only a quarter of the way down. 

“I’m a lot of things. Happy that you’re safe. Thrilled that the prick is dead. Worried about Lucien, because he’s clearly not fine, although I know I just met him--”

Eris flicked her nose lightly. “Has anyone ever told you that you don’t know how to talk about your feelings? I asked about  _ you. _ What do you need?”

Rhia frowned. “Pot, meet kettle.” She grabbed the hand that had flicked her and linked their fingers, letting them both drop to her thigh. “I don’t know. I guess, I think it would help me if I knew what happened. Everything before my arrival and everything after you left.”

She had never been good at naming her emotions or asking for something from others. Yet, as Eris began speaking, fulfilling her request with no argument, Rhia did feel the tension begin to leave her body. Her usual strategy, make sure everyone else is okay and deal with the private shit later, took a much larger emotional toll than necessary.

His story filled in the gaps in her understanding. She tried to remain impassive when he finished telling her about meeting Rhysand and Feyre at the border; he sensed her excitement nonetheless.

“You can never tell them how obsessed you are,” Eris teased, pulling their joined hands to his mouth for a quick kiss. “I’ll never forgive you if you inflate their egos even more.”

Rhia smacked his shoulder with her free hand. “Don’t make fun of me! It’s just hard to imagine that  _ Feyre Cursebreaker  _ just appears and has a conversation with you. You make her sound so normal.”

“Seeing the High Lord of Autumn isn’t impressive enough for you?” She could’ve sworn he pouted, actually  _ pouted  _ at her. “You never seem surprised that I’m normal.”

“I was a complete mess when you first appeared on my doorstep,” Rhia argued. “I could barely form a sentence or say anything coherent when you announced we were mates. Thanks for giving me absolutely no warning on that, by the way.”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t my brightest strategy, I’ll admit.” Had he drifted closer to her? Rhia found it a bit difficult to focus on his words. “I had pined over you for a century, imagined your voice and pictured the day I would officially meet you countless times. Can you blame me for losing all sense of dignity and propriety in that moment?”

Rhia gaped at him. “Could you try to be, oh I don’t know, less good at taking my breath away?” Eris’ eyebrows shot up. “I try to tease you about something and you turn it into a beautiful, heart-melting remark!”

“Are you asking me to not to say beautiful things to you?” Eris asked, his tone incredulous. “If it helps, you took my breath away the first moment I saw you, and you haven’t given it back since.”

Rhia ripped her hand from his to throw a pillow at his face. “This is exactly what I’m talking about!”

Eris caught the pillow easily and tossed it back to her. “I thought females enjoy compliments and beautiful prose. How am I supposed to impress you, then?”

“And what do you know about complimenting females?” Rhia narrowed her eyes in mock anger. “I thought you were tragically pining over me this past century.”

“Of course,” Eris acquiesced. “I haven’t even looked at anyone else in a hundred years. Maybe that’s why my attempts to flirt with you are so weak.” He glanced at the window briefly, drawing her gaze to the dark sky of night. “Will anyone worry that you haven’t returned home yet?”

Rhia sighed. She really did need to get back. Sofine would be out of her mind with worry and her students would expect to see her first thing tomorrow. “I should go.”

“Let me winnow you,” Eris insisted. “I know you’re more than capable but…” He hesitated for a moment, gaze sheepishly turning down to the floor. “I’ll feel better if I see you home safely, after all you had to go through today.”

She placed a finger on his chin, tilting his chin back up. “Please.” Grasping his arm tightly, however, she winnowed them to Malefic before his magic could spark. He let out a small gasp at the sudden movement, before shooting her a heart-stopping smile.

“More than capable,” he echoed. Rhia hid her blush by turning towards the door, removing her wards and leading him inside, neither one eager to end their time together.

They stared at each other, taking a minute to soak up the simple joy of knowing tomorrow would be better than today and that the story line hadn’t ended.

“I should--” 

“Do you want to--”

A nervous chuckle. A confused glance. Eris cleared his throat.

“Do I want to what?”

Rhia rolled her eyes. “Would you like to stay the night? With me?”

Eris’ eyes widened. “Are you ready for that?”

“Not like that,” Rhia rushed to add. “I have a guest bedroom. I’m not… very good at sharing a bed.” She coughed once. “This is silly, we could’ve just stayed at the palace, instead of my boring guest room--”

“I’d love to,” Eris interrupted. “I’m sick of the palace. People always try to make me wake up early.”

It was such a small gesture, but such a lovely one too. Rhia couldn’t explain the fluttering feeling that came from having Eris spend the night, something that a normal couple might do. Even if they couldn’t share a bed and wake up in a tangle of limbs, having her beloved under the same roof felt like progress.

She expressed her thoughts in the only appropriate way. With a small smile on her face, Rhia stepped into Eris’ space and wrapped her arms around his waist. He responded in kind, reaching one hand up to cup her cheek, the other rubbing circles on her arm.

“Can I kiss you?” she breathed.

“Always.” He closed the immeasurable distance between them, their lips connecting in a way that sent shivers down Rhia’s spine. Kissing Eris felt like a dream, her body intangible and her mind foggy. The infamous prince of Autumn, the cruel son of a cruel High Lord, savoring her mouth like there was nothing else he’d rather be doing. She leaned even further into him, both their hearts jumping at the contact, before settling into a synchronized rhythm. Rhia heavily considered pushing herself in that moment, testing the boundaries of her sanity, and inviting him to her bed tonight.

Eris pulled away first. He placed a delicate kiss on one temple, then the other. “Show me my room?” His voice slid over her like a blanket.

“Follow me.” Rhia led him upstairs. She was equal parts disappointed and relieved that he’d asked before she could revoke her earlier insistence of different rooms. Kissing Eris should count as an intoxicant, she decided, prohibiting her from changing her mind on her boundaries. The thought made her chuckle.

“Will you let me in on the joke,” inquired the male of her thoughts. 

Rhia opened the door to her barely-furnished guest room. “Maybe tomorrow. If you make coffee.”

The High Lord of Autumn pressed one last kiss to her unruly hair. “You drive a hard bargain, Rhia. Good night.”

Eris fell asleep quickly that night, the scent of his mate luring him into peacefulness. Rhia took a bit longer to succumb to exhaustion, however. Face blushing at her pathetic heart, she spent a good ten minutes writing down every lovely and romantic thing he had said to her that day. It was silly to think, but she couldn’t bear the thought of losing a single memory of this experience, of falling in love with Eris.


	11. morning, her place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not like thrilled with this chapter, it's p much all filler. Basically, my monkey brain said "we need fancy ball scene. make it happen." and my human brain said "ugh how do we get there??" and my monkey brain said "no think. just ballgowns and orchestra." so that's something to look forward to next time!!!!!!
> 
> Taylor Swift Thought of the Day: champagne problems --> last kiss --> right where you left me. You could argue that white horse is somewhere in there and I wouldn't be mad...  
> Bonus TSTOTD: exile IS feylin. Opposing counsel might say "hey explain this nonsense." Judge, you'll see that Tamlin is already ready to get his knuckles bloody and gives Feyre looks that add insults to (her actual) injuries. Also, jury, please consider the fact that Feyre gave him so many signs that he claimed to never see. That is all until closing arguments.
> 
> bye I'm so annoying anyways WELCOME to the new readers, HELLO AGAIN to the ones who've stuck around, and SO MUCH LOVE to everyone who comments/kudos/bookmarks. Enjoy!

Eris jumped out of sleep the next morning, waking suddenly to the pressure of someone attempting to break down his wards. His body tensed immediately, an instinctual growl rising in his throat at the perceived threat. His mind reacted a moment later, recognizing the scent currently trying to break down the front door.

“RHIANNON HARMONY OPEN THE DAMN DOOR.” Interesting. Eris had made it this far without ever asking Rhia for her last name.

He waved a hand, removing the additional wards he had placed on the house last night. Grabbing his tunic from the chair and throwing it over his head, Eris strode downstairs just in time to watch Sofine burst into the front room.

She gave him such a ferocious glare that he froze in place without meaning to. “I suppose  _ you’re  _ the reason Rhia left town mysteriously for two days?”

“I, uh, yes.” Eris really wasn’t used to anyone scolding him. “Rhia helped me out with a...situation at the palace. Coffee?”

He vaguely remembered Rhia owed him a thought from last night. All this relaxation and peace had done some damage on his sharp, cunning mind.

Sofine’s eyes widened momentarily. Whether she was surprised at the gesture or suddenly remembering who she was scolding, her tone calmed considerably. “She keeps the beans above the stove, if you didn’t know.”

Eris nodded, accepting the small olive branch she offered. He lit the front burner with a flick of his pointer finger while filling the kettle under the tap with a flex of his other hand. The movements came quickly, naturally, and some of the tension left his body at the small expulsions of magic.

Quick footsteps skittered to a stop at the bottom of the stairs as the love of his life took in the scene in front of her. Shit. Eris’ thoughts had become pathetic and obsessive without his permission. He would have scowled if the sight of Rhia treading into the kitchen nervously hadn’t been so damn endearing.

“Shit, Sofi, I’m sorry.” Rhia embraced her friend tightly. “I didn’t mean to leave so abruptly; you must have been so worried.”

Sofine laughed softly, kissing the top of her head. “Oh I was very calm. Other than yelling at the High Lord first thing this morning.”

“I’m sure he deserved it,” Rhia hummed. She then made her way towards Eris, who finished steeping the beans at exactly the right second, handing her a steaming cup of coffee as she reached him. “What did you do?”

“Other than drag you into my mess?” Eris inquired, repressing the bolt of guilt that shot through him at the idea of Rhia in danger at the palace. “I placed additional wards up last night.” He looked over her head at Sofine. “I’ll make sure to include you in them next time.”

Rhia raised an eyebrow. “Who gave you permission to place them in the first place?”

Eris noted her light tone and twinkling eyes. “You tried to break into the most heavily guarded building in the Autumn Court yesterday and branded yourself as an enemy to the crown. What if someone tries to arrest you for that again?”

“Rhia,” Sofine gasped. “You tried to break into the palace?” Swiveling her glare to Eris, she demanded: “Why didn’t you let her in?”

At least she was scolding them both now. Eris held his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t know she was there!”

“And I didn’t  _ try  _ to break in, I actually did break in,” Rhia grumbled. “You should really upgrade the security on the eastern external wall.”

Sofine huffed. “Will you both disagree on every little detail? I want the full story.” She sat herself down at the kitchen table, making a big show of getting comfortably situated. “I have time.”

Eris sensed that now would be a lovely time to retreat and leave Rhia to her own devices. “I have to return to the palace and the horrors of bureaucracy.” He leaned forward, giving Rhia half a second to adjust to his closeness, before placing a chaste kiss on her lips. Her mouth upturned into a small smile, one he wished he could spend hours exploring. “I’ll come back when I can, good?”

“Very good,” she replied. “I expect a full report of our Court’s political situation when you return.”

Eris sighed dramatically. “If you insist.” He waved to Sofine. “I hope you won’t be too disappointed in my abilities after hearing the full story.”

“To be determined.” Her face flushed lightly, a female still unused to the High Lord’s presence, but he only felt gratitude at her attempts to treat him as normal as possible.

Eris blinked and appeared in his chambers, taking a minute to change his clothing and wash his face. He uttered some choice words at the pile of paperwork littering his desk, rifling through the to-do lists, save-the-dates, business contracts, and personal correspondences to see if any of it required his immediate attention. 

One of his spies, Jyn, had sent him a list of potential candidates to fill the vacant adviser roles that Eris skimmed quickly. He had a half-baked plan forming in his mind to let people vote on the Fae listed on the sheet, maybe even ensuring that each region had specific representation. Gerwin had helped him draft a few new pieces of legislation that Eris would announce during the Autumnal Equinox ball, so one more shouldn’t cause any additional havoc.

“Fuck,” Eris swore again, remembering that his Court’s largest annual celebration was only a fortnight away and he had no idea what the hell was going on with the event. 

He already wanted to check on his mother and Liang would know the most about the upcoming celebrations. Two birds, one awkward acknowledgement that they shared a bedroom.

Eris walked down the corridor, stopping to chat with one of the servants to make sure everyone on staff last night had received additional pay for working through an attempted coup. The slender male named Yuri had confirmed that the throne room was completely cleaned of any body parts and that to his knowledge, everyone had gotten the money before heading home.

The Lady of the Autumn Court lived in a different wing of the palace than her husband and sons had, a different wing than where Eris now lived basically alone. As he approached the white double doors, he ignored the urge to open the door automatically and knocked instead.

“Yes?” His mother’s tone was curious and wary, until she laid eyes on him. “Oh, darling! Come in, come in.”

Eris followed her inside, observing how much lighter and joyful she seemed in the glow of day. Her decorations had always used softer colors and more patterns than typical Autumn design; even the gold that adorned the soft blue curtains looked brighter than the gold that detailed his traditional red decor.

“How are you?” he inquired. “Did the healers take a look at you last night?”

She herded him over to the seating area. “Yes, and you have nothing to worry about. I wasn’t harmed by the Night Court.” Eris let out a deep exhale. He hadn’t known how to delicately ask what she’d experienced in captivity, and her warm gaze confirmed that she hadn’t been tortured. “I might not be feared or even respected by the other Courts, but Keir knows exactly who my allies are. And who my family is.”

“If Rhysand hadn’t finally taken care of the trash ruining his terrority, there would have been a list of us ready to kill Keir for him,” Liang grumbled, joining them from the bedroom. “Eris.”

He returned her nod. “Thank you for insisting on the healers.” Eris turned his body to face her more directly. “I actually had a question for you, as well. The Autumnal Ball is supposed to be in two weeks and I--”

“Hadn’t planned anything for it?” Liang teased. “Not to worry. The High Lord typically shows little to no interest in the event planning.” Her words had a bitter edge to them, and Eris knew he wasn’t the High Lord she spoke of. “I can send details to your rooms later today for your approval.”

Eris held his hands up. “I trust your judgement much more than my own. I would be interested in seeing the plans, though, just for my own knowledge.”

“Of course. I’ll at least want your opinion on the guest list, make sure I didn't’ miss anyone important.” Liang sat next to his mother, who raised an eyebrow.

“Is there anyone she wouldn’t have thought to invite, darling?” she asked innocently. “Do you have any new friends we don’t know about?”

Her words made him feel like an adolescent. “You know I don’t have friends. But I might send invitations to the other High Lords; see if they’d like to send a delegation.”

“Just let me or my assistant know if anyone needs to be seated separately to avoid a fight,” Liang offered. “We have over a thousand guests confirmed, so a few more won’t require much adjustment.”

Eris’ eyes bulged out of his head. “A thousand? Where did you find that many fucking people?”

“Language,” his mother admonished. “And we’ve always had a large attendance, though never quite this large.” She grinned at him. “I believe the host might be a bit more popular this year than in previous years.”

He fell into his thoughts as the two females ordered tea and went through some of the other details with him over the next hour. The annual ball was one of the only events that sent out a certain number of tickets to each regional capital, instead of inviting specific Fae individually. During Beron’s reign, only the required attendees who sat in governing roles showed up, but almost all of the optional invitations had been reserved this year with family members, friends, and colleagues. Eris hoped that meant his Court felt more comfortable with him than his father, and not that they all wanted a front-row seat to his inevitable failure or demise.

Liang sent him off with a few blank invitations, spelled to deliver themselves immediately after being addressed. He stopped by his rooms and scrawled out all the High Lords’ names, except for the Night Court’s which he addressed to Carina.  _ She probably wouldn’t throw his letter directly in the fire.  _ He also added a personal note, letting her know that he still owed her a very fancy dress for her help in finding his mother, offering to send his best tailor her measurements if she wanted to call in that deal.

Either through a simple mistake or a stroke of ingenuity, Liang had handed him 7 invitations, leaving Eris an extra blank one. Inspiration hit him like a brick. Rhia.

_ Would she want to come? See him in his role? Watch the entire fucking island scrutinize him?  _ Normally, Eris would have let his thoughts swirl in a self-deprecating river until he’d talked himself out of the idea. He chose to stop himself this time, however, and practice healthy communication by just asking her.

_ Would they be able to hide their bond at such a large event?  _ Any daemati would know, if they didn’t maintain their mental shields perfectly the entire time. The thought of hiding his feelings for Rhia, avoiding her gaze and looking at anyone else when perfection was right in front of him, drew a low growl from his lips. For her safety, though, he would do anything. Even if acting like he didn’t care felt so uniquely miserable.

Carina’s response drew him out of his thoughts. Cauldron, he was getting irrationally dismal in his old age. Maybe that was a side effect of patricide. 

He snorted internally at the bleak joke. 

_ Of course I’ll be there, idiot. Bryce is coming too. Something about how I never have any regard for my own safety blah blah blah. I’ve attached  _ **_detailed_ ** _ instructions for your tailor, and I’ll be bringing a backup gown in case it’s not up to my standard. I have a reputation to uphold. _

Eris let relief wash over him that he’d have at least one ally present. At the mention of Carina’s mate, he considered asking her for help with the whole mess of emotions that he went through daily. At the very least, she was one of the very few people in Prythian who understood the dangers of power, the sharpness of panic that came with putting loved ones in danger from enemies that normally wouldn’t spare them a second glance.

Hours of meetings and too many decisions stood between Eris and sitting in his favorite chair in a too-small kitchen. He gave himself one minute to hope that the violent chapters of his life had closed permanently, gave himself one minute to dream of what happiness and peace might actually look like, before re-entering his role as High Lord.


	12. spent their whole lives trying to put it into words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wait this isn't the ball scene but pls don't yell at me lol. that one is taking me so much longer to write ugh but I wanted to give y'all something and these turned out to be 2k words (a perfect lil chapter). in this you will find evidence that I am...trash for tropes.
> 
> RHIA IN A BALLGOWN NEXT TIME. I PINKY PROMISE. I've even been looking at images on google so you guys can see what I see <3
> 
> One small TW for abuse (past, nothing graphic). I've put the usually XXX before and after, but as always please let me know if I can make these warnings better and if you want a summary of that section.
> 
> TSTOTD: Daylight is Nessian ok ready: Let's begin with "my love was as cruel as the cities I lived in" that's both of them living in cruel places that stole their ability to love freely :(. then "maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down" UMMM ILYRIANS MUCH? "maybe I've stormed out of every room in this town" NESTA LEAVING THE PUBS IN VELARIS?? We could definitely throw some Afterglow in here and I'd be a happy woman. 6 days til I physically transcend this world because of ACOSF.

“Hold that position. Yes! Exactly like that!” Rhia gasped. Her cheeks were flushed with excitement

Her student’s tiny arms began to tremble slightly at the exertion. Aliar’s face remained focused, however, as he used his leg muscles to push the wave of water higher and higher, until it touched the ceiling.

He dropped it suddenly. “Was that good?”

Rhia grinned. “That was  _ wonderful _ . Did you see how much higher you raised it using your entire body instead of just your arms?”

He nodded quickly, a slow smile building on his face. Much quieter than the other two students he trained with, Aliar’s smile was equivalent to jumping with joy. 

“Go grab some water, then you all can stretch and go home.” Rhia herded the trio of younglings toward the counter dividing the studio and her kitchen, where she always laid out a pitcher and cups. Raquel immediately stole Aliar’s attention, bestowing compliments and advice all in the same breath, at a speed too fast for anyone to follow along. They had a few more weeks before they would master water, all three of them did, but had made good progress nonetheless.

Rhia shuffled past Leyora carefully, from where the female had begun stretching in the most inconvenient spot, towards the dining room table. She eyed the blank parchment sitting there. The memory of the last time she had been waiting for a message from Eris while teaching this same trio hurt to recall, but she shook off any negative thoughts. Today had been good, her sleep undisturbed and her breathing easy.

_ It’s only been a day,  _ she chided herself mentally.  _ Give him time to respond, you needy wench.  _

“What is that?” Raquel demanded. Rhia barely stopped herself from jumping at their voice and shoved her hand away from the parchment. “Are you being sneaky with something?”

“What?” Rhia replied. “I’m an adult. I don’t have to sneak anything.”

Leyora raised her eyebrows. “Sounds like something a sneaky person would say.” Alair humphed in agreement.

“You’re all menaces. Raquel, finish your water.” Children could be eerily perceptive when they wanted to, usually when adults didn’t want them to.

As they grabbed their coats and ambled out, weather already turning gloomy before the Solstice, Rhia watched them go with a strange bittersweet feeling. Would she continue teaching if she became Lady--

Shit. That was not a road she had ever gone down and certainly didn’t need to go down. As if she would ever officially court Eris, nonetheless  _ marry  _ him when they hadn’t done anything more than kissing yet. When they still hadn’t talked through their pasts, their hopes, their darknesses.

Still, the thought lingered.

Rhia busied herself with making dinner as the sun set, drawing graceful golden designs on the walls. She sensed Sofine coming up to her door, grabbing two wine glasses as the Fae burst into the room.

“You read my mind,” she purred. Her gaze turned flirtatious as she noticed the wine Rhia had selected. “Feeling fancy tonight, are we? Expecting special guests?”

Rhia clicked her tongue. “You’re special enough for a nice bottle of wine. Sit, sit.”

Telling Sofi the full story, including how the mating bond had shared the agony of Eris’ stab wound, hadn’t been fun. Rhia had let her friend scold her, had let Sofi get out all of the frustration and worry she felt. Of course they both hoped that being Eris’ mate wouldn’t put Rhia in harm again, but the ordeal had created an entirely new set of anxieties. 

So tonight, they stuck to pleasant topics. Rhia’s students, Sofine’s attempts to make a new kind of bread (Rhia secretly wondered how one could create a new kind of bread, but didn’t question it). The roasted vegetables turned out perfectly, a lucky feat when one’s best friend could cook better than anyone for miles.

And of course, the parchment glowed at exactly the wrong moment when Rhia had turned her back to bring the dishes to the sink. She heard Sofi’s gasp and whipped her head around, groaning when she saw her reading whatever message Eris had just sent.

“I’m a bit scandalized.” Sofi winked. “Is he always this dirty?”

Rhia gaped. “What the fuck? Give me that!” She moved at the speed of light, snatching the paper.

_ May I stop by tonight?  _

“Ugh, you’re such a bitch,” Rhia grumbled. 

Sofine shrugged. “You should’ve seen your face. Maybe you wanted it to be a dirty message.”

That was the problem. Rhia would have loved a dirty message. Or she would have run screaming for the hills and never spoken to anyone ever again. It was a toss up.

“Do you mind if he crashes our plans?” she asked, stopping her perilous thoughts once more. Eris had never looked at her  _ that  _ way, at least not that she had noticed.

Sofi waved her glass of wine like a queen would her scepter. “Please. We hang out every other night. The male presence spices up the evening.”

_ If you don’t mind Sofi and I after two glasses of wine,  _ Rhia wrote back.

_ Excellent. Shall I bring something from the royal cellar or do you have more than enough alcohol? _

_ Oh definitely bring something. A fruity red, if you really want to win her over. _

She couldn’t have counted to thirty in the time it took for Eris to appear in the kitchen.

“How did you possibly grab wine and winnow here that quickly?” Rhia demanded.

Eris shrugged. “I’m incredible like that.”

“Or he was sitting in the wine cellar, waiting to drown his sorrows if you said no,” Sofine piped up. Her cheeks flushed. “Sorry, I’m still not sure if I’m allowed to treat you normally and such.”

“Please,” Eris smiled. “Put me through all the shit you would normally put a male through.” With a mischievous look at Rhia, he added: “And feel free to tell me about those males while you’re at it.”

Rhia snatched the bottle from him. “Absolutely not.” She checked the label. “Cauldron damn me, this is 600 years old! Wait -- Eris, when exactly were you born?”

“I will not be age-shamed after procuring some of the finest wine in Autumn tonight,” he growled. “You know damn well how old I am.”

Sofine sighed. “I hope I’m not that grumpy in four hundred years.” She raised her now-empty glass up to Rhia, who gladly filled it. 

\---

Eris flicked his wrist and pulled out a glass for himself, then threw his body into the unoccupied chair. He let out a mock sigh at the females’ teasing, hiding his genuine joy at the playful conversation and quick remarks that flew across the room.

XXX

“I’m never throwing myself a birthday party again,” he insisted. “It’s just depressing at this point. I would’ve stopped throwing them years ago, if we hadn’t been...required to.” Eris trailed off. He’d almost shared the darling fact that Beron had forced all of his sons to host birthday galas, as an excuse to demand gifts and promises from various lords and nobility. Beron also loved nothing more than to use the annual occurrence as an excuse to run through the boys’  failures that year. The harsh words stung, but the sharp blows that followed drew a special kind of agony.

XXX

Rhia’s brow furrowed slightly at his sudden change in tone. “I throw too many birthdays for my students anyway.” He appreciated her attempt to lighten the mood, and appreciated the warmth of her hand on his that followed.

“That reminds me.” Eris squeezed her hand quickly, the other darting into his jacket pocket. “I have something for you. Both of you.” Inspiration struck as he handed the ball invitation to Rhia.

Her eyes danced across the sturdy parchment. “The Autumn Solstice Ball? In two weeks?”

Sofine jumped up. “What? Give me that!” She squealed as she read what Rhia had just spoken. “By the Mother, Eris!! Oh, you are  _ such  _ an improvement on anyone Rhia’s brought home.”

“Sofi’s always wanted to attend a ball,” Rhia shared. Eris tried to judge her expression, but he couldn’t figure out what she was thinking. 

“And you? Would you be interested in attending?” he probed. “I, I know it might be complicated for you to attend with the whole...situation.” He gestured between the two of them. “We can do this any way you’d like.”

Rhia worked her bottom lip between her teeth. “I want to, I really do.” Eris had to restrain himself from running his thumb over her forehead until the skin relaxed. “I’m worried people will know, but I’m also exhausted already at the thought of hiding it all night, but I know it’d be strange for you to pop up with a mate randomly, and I--”

“I have an idea,” Sofine interrupted. Her eyes narrowed as her brain doubtlessly worked out some scheme that Eris would either detest or fancy. “It would save you both some trouble. You wouldn’t have to hide your feelings, but you wouldn’t have to come up with a backstory about how you met.”

Oh, Eris would definitely love or hate this.

Sofine took a sip of her wine. “Spit it out, you dramatic tart,” Rhia complained after a moment. 

“Write your own fairytale.” Sofi let a smirk play on her lips. “Pretend like you’ve never met, as if Rhia and I just received the invitations through some mistake or some administrative process. And then at the ball, poof! The bond.”

Eris let her words run through his mind once, twice. “You think we should act like the bond clicked into place...at the ball?”

Shrugging, she defended her plan. “I can’t say whether or not you both want to bring your relationship into the public domain, but it would be wonderful, wouldn’t it?” Eris would have snorted at the dreamy look in her eyes if he hadn’t gotten the same look whenever he thought about a future with Rhia. “The new High Lord...hosting an extravagant ball...seeing the most beautiful woman grace his presence...falling love with her-”

“Cauldron, Sofi, are you a writer now?” Rhia stopped her friend from writing an entire novel aloud. Her gaze darted to Eris. “It feels a bit over-the-top, though.”

“I hate to even say this, because you know it isn’t a priority for me, but Gerwin would murder me if I didn’t consider how good of a public relations boost this could be.” Eris winced. It felt unbelievably shallow and inconsiderate to worry about his reputation while discussing his most intimate relationship.

Luckily, Rhia waved off his concerns with a hand on his arm. “Well maybe that’s something I care about.” She turned to her friend. “Do you mind giving us a moment?”

“I’ll give you all night,” Sofi smirked. “Take all the time you need to...talk. Bye!”

Her joke left them both groaning. However, Eris did take advantage of Sofi’s absence to pull Rhia away from the table and towards the much comfier couch across the room. She sat facing him, tucking her legs underneath her as she always did.

“Can I?” Eris stretched out his arm. Rhia gave him the softest smile and nodded, pulling herself closer until they were properly cuddled up next to each other.

“We obviously don’t have to this,” Eris began. “There’s ten other ways you could attend, not attend, whatever you want.”

She scrunched up her face. “Don’t ever repeat this,  _ especially  _ not to Sofi, but I’m completely in love with the idea,’ Rhia confessed. “It’s so silly, I know, but it feels nice to create some fake story. We could keep everything else private.”

Eris loved the idea for entirely different reasons, pretty much of all of them that he would get to dance with the most delightful Fae in this world in front of everyone without having to explain himself to anyone. However, he could work with this.

“So then? Should we do this?”

Rhia rolled her eyes. “Why does it feel like I’m signing my life away to some top-secret mission? Yes, let’s do it.”

He stayed over again that night, except this time they stayed awake talking until an obscene hour. Eris fell asleep with images of their future lulling him into peace.


	13. your eyes whispered (have we met) take 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all so like...I have no excuse. I simply just did everything else in the world except for write this. but anyways.
> 
> did I listen to the bridgerton soundtrack while writing this? yes. did I spend more time looking at pictures of dresses than writing? also yes. it's called having a process.
> 
> No spoilers but I hated ACOSF. Ok, more like disliked but it was OOC, had a confusing plot, didn't give Nesta all the healing she deserved, and made Rhys so unlikeable I just...but please keep spoilers out of the comments!!!
> 
> TSTOTD: Bryce and Danika would have played New Romantics at every single pregame. Your Honor, they could build a castle out of all the bricks thrown at them. Jury, you must know that the four gals were too busy dancing to get knocked off their feet!! Finally, my opposition may say that every night was not like a dream, but technically nightmares are also dreams and Bryce had a lot of nightmarish nights. Thank you.
> 
> ENJOY!! Kisses to all of you reading, pls leave a comment if you feel so inclined.
> 
> Dresspo! The women also look how I visualize the girls <3  
> Rhia: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/dc/76/3c/dc763c1a513bfbfb62d454aa95d89fba--golden-rule-gold-rush.jpg  
> Sofi:https://i.pinimg.com/originals/23/a0/58/23a05860d06a56c5b02975e9105d9dc3.jpg

Eris threw himself on his bed, letting out a dramatic sigh that no one could hear. It had been a week and a half of pure stress that saw every kind of crisis, from interviewing potential advisers that ended up having criminal backgrounds to finding out the ballroom floor had somehow deteriorated and needed a fix immediately. Now, the day before the Solstice, Eris found himself wishing Auster had succeeded in his coup, if only for the fact that dealing with these logistics seemed a fitting punishment for treason.

His thoughts, as always, drifted to Rhia. They’d only had a couple nights together since, and Eris had to run back to the palace both times after a couple hours. The last interruption came at a particularly inopportune moment, right as he finished telling her the story of his darkest moment.

_ “Fuck,” Eris swore. Gerwin’s note made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that he had to come deal with a fight that broke out between some of his people. “I--” _

_ “Go deal with it,” Rhia commanded, her voice unnaturally calm.  _

_ Eris let out a loose breath. He had literally just told her about Mor, about leaving a dying woman alone in the woods rather than offer her any aid because she had dared defy their fathers. “I don’t want to leave like this.” _

_ Rhia hadn’t dropped her gaze at any point during the conversation and held his stare even now. “Are you worried that you’ve upset me beyond reproach? That this conversation is my breaking point?” _

_ “Maybe.” He broke first, using the excuse of throwing on his coat to look away. “It’s what isolated the Autumn and Night Court permanently; why the precious Inner Circle will never tolerate me beyond my usefulness as an ally.” _

_ Rhia snorted. “If we had more time, I’d spend all of it convincing you that this most certainly is not my breaking point. But we don’t.” She moved closer into his personal space. “So go deal with your drama and I’ll prove to you that the bridge between us is unbreakable another time.” _

She always complained about his cheesy one-liners, but that sentence had carried him through the entire evening and subsequent morning. It wasn’t until that night, until he lay in his bed alone, that doubt began creeping in.

Eris’s mind raged a violent battle. The logical, rational part of him argued that Rhia had insisted they were fine, insisted she wasn’t upset at him. The dark, twisted part of him sneered at that optimism, insisted that she would never look at him again. Why would she, after hearing about his tragic engagement? After all, Rhia looked up to the Inner Circle as if they were deities, the same people who declared Eris a mortal enemy.

Sleep finally stole him from his painful journey through his memories, but his dreams offered little comfort. They swept him from memories of kisses and laughter to visions of tragedy and heartbreak at terrifying speeds.

\---

Rhia finished her cup of tea. Sofi stood in front of her, buzzing with excitement, as they both eyed the sheer bags in front of them.

“I can’t stand it anymore,” Sofi declared, throwing her hands up in an overly dramatic gesture. “I’m opening them.”

She untied the lovely ribbon keeping their gowns wrapped in the protective shields before Rhia could protest. “Oh my goodness, Rhia,  _ look _ .”

“Treya outdid herself,” Rhia agreed. One of her student’s guardians had offered to make them dresses for the Ball for a heavily discounted price, claiming that she had overstocked on specialty fabrics that weren’t selling.

She ran a hand softly over the gold silk. It felt luxurious, obscenely so, and Rhia found herself questioning if she deserved this. Not just the dress, but the entire situation. After so many years stuck in one place, doing one job, with basically one friend, the thought of changing her life overnight seemed beyond daunting. For Eris, though, she would try to step out of her comfort zone.

_ If only I could step far enough out of my comfort zone to jump his bones,  _ Rhia thought to herself, half-humorously and half-miserable.

Sofi played with the straps of her sparkling red gown. “Where did you go just now?”

“Just wondering how the hell I got here,” Rhia answered. They played this game whenever either drifted too far into their own heads, a way to mindfully reenter the present. “It’s like a fantasy, isn’t it? Finding true love and prince overnight.”

Her tone must have struck bitter, because Sofi stopped admiring the fabric and looked her dead in the eye. “What are you worried about? That you don’t deserve this?”

“Yes, but it’s not...” Rhia fiddled with her gown once more. “We’ve talked a lot about what our life after tonight will look like, and it’s not like we’re about to get married or anything, but is it strange that I wish we were further along in our relationship? How can we just declare ourselves to the entire damn continent at this point?”

Sofi raised an eyebrow. “I would say this is a completely normal stage to tell your circle of people about a relationship. Eris’ circle just happens to include the general public.” She refilled her own mug, then froze. “When you say further along, you don’t mean sex, do you?”

“And what if I do?” Rhia challenged. Her cheeks flushed a bit. It’s not as if Sofi hadn’t seen her at her worst moments and through every failed relationship since, but this admission felt more embarrassing, for some reason. “I’m about to meet his mother and we’ve barely felt each other up.”

One beat of silence, then:

“I’m sorry,” Sofi cackled. “What is your logic here?” Her laughter grew as Rhia frowned, making her words difficult to decipher. “‘Hey Eris! I know everything’s just peachy emotionally, but I can’t go public with you until we’ve fucked!’ Rhia, you’re smarter than this.”

Rhia was smarter than this. “It sounds worse when you say it like that! I just...I’ve never waited this long before and it feels like I’m failing somehow.”

Sofi stopped giggling. “Hey,” she said softly. “You can’t compare relationships, or males, or even yourself in different situations. You’re happier than I’ve ever seen you, and that’s all that matters.”

“I am,” Rhia agreed. She took a deep breath, letting her thoughts settle. “I am, and you’re right.” Saying it out loud had helped calm the tornado of insecurities, helped her realize the fallacy of her worries. “Honestly, I think it’s a good sign we both overthink every tiny thing. As if we’re both terrified to damage what we have.”

Her friend clicked her tongue. “As long as that overthinking doesn’t create any damages itself.”

\---

Eris was definitely overthinking their plan. Rhia had written him a short note about an hour ago, letting him know that her gown was perfect and she couldn’t wait. Somehow, her simple positivity had sent Eris into a swirl of anxiety that led him to interrogate Liang about every last logistical element.

“You’re hovering,” she snapped, as he followed her down the hallway. “Why are you asking me about the greeting line? You’ve done it a hundred times.”

Eris usually found her temper refreshing. Not today, though. “Yes, but we don’t normally greet everyone. How long will I be in line?”

Liang gave him a bemused look. “I don’t know, thirty minutes? How chatty do you plan to be? And it’s only for the appointed representatives from each village, like every single other time.” She turned sharply, narrowly avoiding a group of Fae carrying large trays of food to the main hall. 

“Don’t follow me,” she called out, not bothering to turn her head to look back at her High Lord. Eris stopped walking, but still heard her mumble several profanities under her breath.

He ran a hand through his hair. Somehow, he had to conclude official introductions and make it into the main party before Rhia showed up, so their “first-glance” would seem authentic, without offending any local politicians by cutting their discussions short. If dinner began too soon, they’d have to wait for dancing, but would it even make sense to lock eyes after two hours at the Ball?

“Pull yourself together,” he mumbled to himself. Eris hated feeling out of control, but he simply couldn’t force a thousand people to move exactly how he wanted.

The plan stressed him out immensely, yet would provide political protection for their relationship. Technically, the law required Eris to disclose any “personal liaisons” to the palace staff and advisers, for security reasons and to allow advisers to approve any potential marriages. He obviously hadn’t done that under Beron to protect his lovers, and really didn’t want anyone saying a damn thing about his future spouse. Luckily, Prythian held mating bonds in the highest regard, and no one would dare say shit about him and Rhia, especially if the bond seemed to appear at an auspicious time of year.

“Talking to yourself now? I heard that’s a sign of mental exhaustion.” Eris turned to face his brother. “Why aren’t you up in your chambers getting pampered and prepared?” Lucien asked.

“I’m going there now,” Eris grumbled. “I was checking on any last minute issues.”

Lucien placed a hand on his shoulder. “How dedicated. Funny story, though, I had only just stepped into the entrance hall when Mother accosted me and demanded I send you back to your chambers.” He let out a small chuckle. “I believe the words ‘nuisance’ and ‘in the way’ were used.”

“It’s my party. I think I’m allowed to help out-”

“You don’t give a shit about event planning,” Lucien interrupted. “Go do your hair and make yourself pretty for your...special guest.”

Eris started. He hadn’t mentioned anything to his brother about Rhia. “What are you talking about?” 

Lucien stepped back and put his hands in his pockets. The prick had spent way too much time in the Night Court. “Only that Carina seemed a little too excited for you. Anyways.”

Eris watched him walk away. Of course she had blabbed to his brother, probably immediately after Eris had confided in her last week. She was dogmatically good at keeping secrets when necessary, but notoriously good at gossiping about personal matters.

Still, he winnowed to his chambers and started a bath. His hair did look a bit a shabby, now that Lucien mentioned it.

\----

The trees lining the cobblestone path twinkled with golden light, leading the way to the palace. Rhia and Sofi did their best not to gape at the scenery, at everything from the decorations to the masses of people. While they both had visited cities before Amarantha’s reign, the influx of sounds and sights overwhelmed their small-town sensibilities. 

Rhia craned her neck to observe the massive double doors that were flung open to allow entrance. “Do they truly leave the doors open all night? Seems dangerous with all these crowds.”

“The only Fae who might break in has an invitation tonight,” Sofi snorted. She nodded at the thick parchment in Rhia’s hand. “Don’t even think about scaling the west wall.”

“East wall,” Rhia corrected automatically. Her heart had begun to race as they neared the doors, the entrance hall now visible over the other guests’ heads. The guards worked efficiently, splitting the crowd into three lines to check their invitations and scan for weapons.

The duo exchanged no further words until they reached the checkpoint. The guard let them through with no hassle, and Rhia let out a small breath. She didn’t expect to be denied entry or thrown in a prison cell, but her last encounter with palace guards had tainted her memory. Hopefully none of the members on staff tonight had arrested her previously.

“He certainly has taste, you think?” Sofi commented as they swept down the spacious hallway. Rhia nodded, enjoying the bright colors of the Autumn Court represented on ornate curtains, plush carpet, and detailed murals. On another occasion, she might have taken her time to admire the artwork like the other guests, but Rhia dragged Sofi quickly through them, with only one beautiful thing on her mind.

An extremely tall Fae stood at the end of the hall, in front of another set of large doors. Unfortunately, these were closed shut. 

Rhia frowned at the sight. “Did we have the time wrong?”

“Oh, they just have to finish up the greeting line.” Rhia and Sofi jumped at the sudden comment. “They should open them shortly.”

Rhia grinned when she recognized the Fae next to her. “Gerwin! What are you doing out here with the rabble?” She placed a hand on Sofi’s wrist. “This is my dearest friend, Sofi. Sofi, this is Eris’ weapon master and all-around savior, Gerwin.”

He bowed slightly. “May I get that glowing compliment in writing? Pleased to meet you.”

Sofi laughed. “Likewise. I always think it’s good to know someone who knows where all the weapons are, in case of emergency.”

“The doors are now open,” droned the lanky Fae. Indeed, they swung open slowly behind him, revealing orchestral music and overlapping conversation. Gerwin shot them a quick wink and entered first, careful to act like a friendly stranger rather than an insider on the biggest secret of the year.

“Are you ready?” Sofi whispered under her breath. She slid her hand into Rhia’s, giving it a quick squeeze. “Last chance to run for the hills.”

Rhia scoffed. “Keep walking.” She forced her breath to come out evenly, slowly, hoping her body wouldn’t betray her by fainting before she even saw him.

The lights seemed even brighter, the music swelling to unprecedented volume, as she took those final steps into the ballroom, her eyes darting across all the irrelevant people and things. She only wanted to look at one person, only wanted to think of one thing tonight.

And then her eyes met his.

\---

“Do you think you’ll make a trip to the Southern cities this winter? I spoke with the company maintaining your Milton estate, and it couldn’t be in better condition.” The dark-skinned representative beamed.

Eris attempted to return his enthusiasm. “Possibly. There’s still quite a bit of work to do around here. Thank you for coming.”

“Of course, my Lord. Have a wonderful evening.” As the Fae moved towards the dance floor, Eris dared to look back at the closed doors behind him. The official representatives had been let in forty minutes ago, and finally, he could see the end of the greeting line. If he could get through the next two conversations without screaming in frustration, he’d treat himself to the largest drink he could physically hold. Unless  _ she  _ arrived before he made it to the bar, then he’d settle on treating himself with a dance with the love of his life.

“The doors are now open.” The doormale’s voice sent a shot of adrenaline through Eris’ blood, grabbing his attention from the last group of dignitaries from the Dawn Court. His mother’s smile tightened, but her face remained diplomatic as she took over the greeting from her distracted son.

Eris strode away from the politicians and foreigners, away from his role as High Lord. As he walked, his prior thoughts and insecurities rose like a cloud of poison, choking him with doubt. This was the last time he could dream about what would happen when they saw each other’s faces again, the last time he could wonder if she’d come to brighten up his dull palatial life. The last time he could hate himself for offering her a choice to stand by him publicly, as if that wouldn’t put her in danger of scorn and harm. 

Eris could barely breathe as he approached the edge of the dance floor. The string octet transitioned to louder music, meant to pull the crowds to their feet and into the arms of a partner. The first line of general guests darted in, chatting excitedly about the extravagance and the notable Fae already in the room.

He truly did stop breathing the moment he saw the tail of a silk golden gown. His eyes raked up the flowing skirt, small sections twisted into rose-like shapes until they reached the tight bodice. Then, his eyes devoured the low neckline and bare shoulders, stopping to note the one sleeve slipping down a smooth, brown arm, mocking the hand he wished to brush down that same arm.

Finally, after several seconds or an eternity, his eyes locked in on the most beautiful face he would ever see. Eris prayed to the Mother that he wouldn’t slip out of consciousness in that moment, when he looked his unbelievably perfect mate in the eye. 

Rhia offered him the smallest smile, her hands rising to sit delicately at her stomach. She took a step towards him and--

Eris held back a snarl when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Gerwin mumbled an apology.

“You were standing so still that even I believe this was the moment the bond clicked in,” the weapons master remarked. “I think about half the room has noticed so far.”

“Good.” Eris turned back towards her, towards the angel he would never deserve. And yet, his doubts had completely vanished in her presence, leaving behind only the desire to hold her immediately. “I want them all to see this.”

With a final grin to his best friend, Eris walked across the floor. Fae jumped out of his way, and the gossip increased by a tenfold at his determined pace. 

Sofi stood proudly next to her, failing to hold back her grin. She leaned over to whisper something in Rhia’s ear that Eris barely managed to catch. “I think you’ve caught someone’s attention.”

He was now close enough to inhale her scent. Cauldron, he must look like a besotted fool. Luckily, that was his role to play.

“My Lord.” Sofi bowed. Eris shot her a glance that might have appeared disdained to onlookers. She pursed her lips to hold back laughter.

“Have we met?” Eris asked. His tone came off light, casual, hiding the turmoil of love and desire flooding him. “You are absolutely enchanting.”

Rhia blushed and he almost gave in, almost kissed that blush right off her cheeks. “I haven’t had the honor, my Lord.”

“Eris,” he breathed. “To you, always Eris.”

“Rhiannon,” she countered. “Rhia, if you’d like.”

He held out a hand. “Will you do me the honor?”

She took it, and the warmth of her skin blazed across his body. Eris led them out to the dance floor, which had emptied in his journey across it.

The musicians changed their tune mid-note, slowing the tune down until a sweet, romantic song claimed the room. A few cautious couples stepped out from the edges of the crowd, but most of the room stood completely still and held their breaths, straining to figure out who had stolen their High Lord so abruptly.

Eris pulled Rhia close with one hand on her waist, keeping the touch gentle for her comfort. Their intertwined hands rose as their feet moved.

“Why aren’t they dancing?” she asked nervously.

“Don’t look at them. Look at me,” Eris urged. “It’s an old Court tradition, letting the highest ranking nobles have the first dance. They’ll join soon.”

“Why did you ask me to dance?” 

He smiled at the question. She was still playing the game. “You must know that you’re the most flawless person in this room. I was wonderstruck.”

That beautiful blush appeared again. “I’ll guess you didn’t pass any mirrors on the way down here, then. I can’t take my eyes off of you.” The hand on his shoulder flexed as Rhia dared to let one finger brush his neck. He shivered.

“Please tell me you felt it too.” Eris’ instincts kept them from crashing into other dancers, since his eyes couldn’t be bothered to leave her face. “Tell me I’m not alone here.”

Passerbyers heard that one. His words spread across the crowd, the gossip faster than his flames ever could.

“Everything vanished when I saw your face,” Rhia replied. Her tone softened, her head tilted. “Yes, I felt it.” She leaned in, lips brushing his ear. “You’ll never be alone again, my love.” The words were murmured too softly for anyone else, an admission that was for him alone.

Gerwin would never let him forget it if he cried in front of everyone, so Eris swallowed back the rage of emotions in his throat. “Thank the Cauldron. Literally, since you’re my-”

A roar of thunder shattered the room, followed by a flash of darkness right in the center of the floor, several feet from where they stood. Some guests screamed, and the guards surged, but Eris merely sighed and held up a hand.

The night black vanished, leaving behind an unfairly attractive couple. The female waved to the crowd, flipping a lock of her raven hair over her shoulder. Her partner stood impassively next to her, his Illyrian wings marking him as obviously other. 

Eris inclined his head. “Thank you for coming, Carina.”


End file.
